Honolulu Lite
PART of the idea behind Alo-Ha Friday was to present to you faithful readers unusual news stories that you might not regularly see. Frankly, the reason many of these items don't see the light of print is because they are just too gross for a family newspaper. But we try to push the edges of the envelope when it comes to decency and try to give you the most disgusting and vulgar news items in the most tasteful and sensitive way. Some news items
just won’t cut itNevertheless, we've been accused by fellow writers of being a little shy. A colleague brought the following news item to my attention, challenging that I'd never have the (Editor's deletion) to run it. Haw. Here's the story exactly as it appeared on the wire and I'll be (Editor's deletion) if I let anyone trim a word of it.
Cut to (Editor's deletion)
LIMA, Peru (Reuters) >> A Peruvian man who last year chopped off his (Editor's deletion) to draw attention to his jobless plight, this week chopped (Editor's deletion) in front of the parliament building.Police said the man shouted he wanted to meet with the president of the congress and then suddenly took out a (Editor's deletion) and made a mighty swipe at (Editor's deletion) and then (Editor's deletion.) (Editor's deletion) blood. (Editor's deletion) screaming. (Editor's deletion) in a police evidence baggy. (Editor's deletion) plastic surgery obviously will be needed.
(Editor's Note: Certain parts of this news item were, ah, trimmed for length.)
Potato statue is a bust
LONDON (Reuters) >> A giant "Mr. Potato Head" statue given by a U.S. town to its twin town in central England was removed because local people hated it.Pawtucket in Rhode Island, where the toy "Mr. Potato Head" was invented, sent the 7-foot tall plastic effigy to the town of Belper. Townspeople there demanded statue be removed.
A reporter said his newspaper received letters asking, "Why is this horrible thing stuck in the middle of town?"
(When told of the action, Pawtucket residents said, "Mr. Potato Head? We didn't send a statue of Mr. Potato Head. We sent them a very nice bust of Winston Churchill. But we can understand their confusion.")
Weird Web site: So you wanna be in pictures. Or say you wanna buy a ferret. Or you wanna get an unusual part of your body pierced. Just about whatever weird thing you wanna do, you can find out how at the So You Wanna web site at www.soyouwanna.com. But trust me, most of this stuff you wouldn't wanna do.
Honolulu Lite on Sunday: A Giant Panda walks into a bar, enjoys a cold beer and a bamboo sandwich and then guns down the waiter with a .357 magnum and calmly walks out. Why? In Sunday's Honolulu Lite, we'll panda to your quest for bear bones information.
Quote me on this: "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." George Bernard Shaw.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite