|
The Goddess Speaks Genevieve A. Suzuki |
MTV’s ‘reality’ is really
a dose of irritationI have more than my share of reasons for why reality TV is the newest scourge of the earth, joining bubonic rats and locusts. When MTV's Real World hit Honolulu, I watched bemused as Gen-Xers "struggled" to live in Black Point in Diamond Head and work at a café in a surf shop.
At the time, I was attending the university, working part time at a retail clothing store and living in a not-so-posh part of Manoa. I wasn't bitter.
"The Real World" cast trifled and whined, and kissed and cried, and then after the cameras returned to Los Angeles, they reappeared on sad last-gasp reality TV reunion shows, then mercifully disappeared into the world from which they came.
Years later, I again find myself shocked by reality MTV style.
First there was the Madonna and Britney smooch, if you can even call it that. What everyone said went on for seconds looked more like a heartbeat to me.
"Their mouths were open," cried the amazed masses.
Of course their mouths were open -- they were both breathing through them. And after Madonna's "Erotica" and Britney's sexy dance with a python, how could we have been surprised?
Speaking of which, we also now have Madonna's ever-expanding, thought-provoking literary productions.
The Material Mom, aka the Lady Who Kissed Britney, just released "The English Roses," a quaint little children's book that will be just perfect on the shelf next to her last book, "Sex."
"Yes, my sweet 11-year-old daughter, that is the end of 'The English Roses.' What, you want more? Well, you're in luck! This one is called 'And this is Madonna hitchhiking naked with just a purse and a cigarette!' "
LAST BUT NOT least, and maybe not even last, is MTV's newest show "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica."
The union of Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees and pop sub-princess Jessica Simpson is support for the argument against allowing the mentally challenged to marry.
It was fascinating to hear Jessica wonder why a certain food is called "Chicken of the Sea" when it is, "surprise!" tuna. She utters this divine realization while curled up on the couch next to her man, who is engrossed by a ballgame, mouth hanging wide open, to breathe, I'm assuming.
Later during the show, Nick is unpleasantly surprised when he comes home to find his and Jessica's dirty laundry all over their marble floor. "I used to do my own laundry," he complains as he steps around the pile.
I'm assuming he now deems the task a wifely duty, no matter how high his wife's single is on the Billboard Top 100. She responds by calling a friend to ask whether there are, like, maids for, like, celebrities. You know, like, vs. maids for us, like, peasants.
Curious, I asked my husband Derek what he would do if he came home to find our dirty laundry lying in the middle of the floor.
"I would pick it up and do it," he answered.
"That's it?"
"And I would wonder why you did that."
"And that's it?"
"That's it."
Derek became quiet before he asked, "Are you planning to do that?"
I assured him that our dirty laundry would most definitely never be the center of attention, literally and figuratively.
That's one we need to leave for MTV and its creations.
Genevieve A. Suzuki is a Honolulu-based freelance writer.
The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and
about women. If you have something to say, write
"The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813;
or e-mail features@starbulletin.com.
