Editor’s Scratchpad

Reader, do you
want to grow your ...

I recently returned from vacation and discovered that my penis was too small. It apparently is a pathetic, shriveled nubbin, the size of a peanut and much less appetizing. The good news is that hundreds -- maybe thousands -- of people out there know all about my plight, are sympathetic and are anxious to help. They all sent me e-mails touting various lotions or exercise programs to turn Mr. Johnson back into something that will frighten horses.

I also had e-mails offering to help with my mortgage. Did you know rates are better than ever and we must act now? I had no idea.

And hundreds of young ladies want to show me their pictures. Even though I don't know them, we're on a first-name basis. Isn't that friendly? I think this is related to my first problem, above.

Other folks sent me information about digital cameras, or time-shares in Bermuda, or cellular phones, or even offered to help me buy prescription drugs way cheap, particularly Viagra (See Problem No. 1, above). And there's the ongoing plight of that poor lady in Nigeria who needs my private banking information to transfer millions of dollars into the United States. It's heartbreaking.

Gosh, the world has gotten smaller. How did all these folks get my e-mail address? Oh, yeah. See below:

See the Columnists section for some past articles.


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