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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
We are nuts not to be
burning mac nut shellsAustralia has developed the world's first power station fueled by macadamia nut shells. How much more humiliation can Hawaii take? We are the center of the macadamia nut-growing universe. We've even got a power plant that burns garbage. Couldn't somebody here figure out that we should be burning our nut shells?
According to news reports, the Queensland plant will burn 5,000 "tonnes" of mac nut shells a year. I'm not sure what a "tonne" is, but it's got more letters than an American "ton," so it must be pretty heavy. Let's get with it, people. We must have many tonnes of mac nut shells ready to burn, not to mention coconut shells.
And now the news ...
Junkyard warrior alert
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (Reuters) >> A New Zealand handyman with a passion for jet engines is building a cruise missile in his back yard and will publish step-by-step instructions on the Internet so others can do the same."I decided to put my money where my mouth is and build a cruise missile in my garage, on a budget of just $5,000," said Bruce Simpson.
The missile would be able to fly 60 miles -- the same distance as from his home to the city of Auckland -- in 15 minutes.
(Interestingly, that's the same amount of time it will take for a New Zealand Defense Force missile to pre-emptively annihilate Mr. Simpson's garage.)
Poet's treatment sew-sew
LONDON (Reuters) >> An Iranian refugee in Britain has sewn up his eyes, ears and mouth to protest the government's plan not to grant him asylum.Speaking with some difficulty through his closed lips, Abas Amini told BBC Radio he was forced to flee to Britain after being jailed in Iran for six years where he suffered unbearable torture.
(Interestingly, that torture involved sewing a prisoner's eyes, ears and mouth shut.)
This rule really has teeth
BERLIN (Reuters) >> A German mother was fined $116 because her 8-year-old daughter refused to open her mouth for the school dentist."The dentist wanted to check her teeth, but the girl was afraid so the dentist reported her," said a spokesperson for the court, which upheld the fine.
(Hoping to avoid future fines, Mom was seen at the library borrowing the book "Your Friend, the Gynecologist." )
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Why are we banning one motorized, two-wheeled scooter from sidewalks while passing new laws to allow a slightly different motorized, two-wheeled scooter to hassle pedestrians?
Quote me on this:
"There is such a thing as too much couth." -- S.J. Perelman
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com