Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER

ALO-HA FRIDAY

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Disabled don’t need
THIS kind of help

Only a group of duly elected knuckleheads in the state Legislature could set out to strengthen rules regarding parking for the disabled and end up reducing the fine for non-disabled parking space stealers to $100 from $250.

The bill is a real head-scratcher for Gov. Ben Cayetano, who's witnessed more than a little nonsense emanate from the Big Square Building. But when he's done scratching, he'll rightfully veto this turkey.

Life is hard enough for the handicapped without such "help" from the "legislatively disabled."

Now the news:

Making friends on TV

LONDON (Reuters) >> Watching television improves your social life and widens your circle of friends -- but only in your imagination.

That was the result of a study that looked at TV-watching habits of Americans. The brain's subconscious counts any face it sees regularly as a real-life friend even if it is on television.

(Funny, my buddies Xena Warrior Princess, Ozzie and I were discussing this very thing the other night.)

Lots of pain, but no gain

SINGAPORE (Reuters) >> Thirteen people in Singapore became seriously ill after taking a Chinese-made slimming pill.

Reactions for the hospitalized victims included swelling of the thyroid gland and liver toxicity.

(On the plus side, they all lost an average of 20 pounds and looked years younger.)

Pen pal is actually in pen

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (Reuters) >> The online personal ad read: "Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a compassionate, 6'2" 200 lbs. athletic guy who enjoys Mediterranean food, the poetry of Keats and Kavafy and baroque music." It also said "Bill" loves cooking, water sports, yoga and hiking.

What it didn't say is that Bill -- William Coday -- killed one ex-girlfriend with a hammer and killed a second ex-girlfriend by beating her with a hammer and stabbing her 87 times.

A Florida prosecutor said it was "interesting" that Coday left out those little details.

(Picky, picky, picky. We hear that poetry-reading, baroque-music-listening guys are generally very popular in prisons.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

A Maui girl won the right to wear slacks under her high school graduation gown instead of a dress. Great. But why does everyone, including guys, have to wear glorified muumuus in order to get their diplomas in the first place? We will ponder this question and other graduation-related oddities in "Honolulu Lite" in the Mauka Makai section of Sunday's Honolulu Star-Bulletin.

Quote me on this:

"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." -- Errol Flynn

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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

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