Advertisement - Click to support our sponsors.
Rant & Rave
MOVE over Barbie! Pokemon, poof! None of you, even you Pikachu, can hold a candle to my new best friend. Totally cellular
experienceMy new best friend measures an approximate 7-by-2 inches. His face is as smooth as a baby's bum, and depending on what mood I'm in, his countenance changes.
For example, on Aloha Fridays he is always red and white, floral print. But on depressing days, his cheerful face becomes a gloomy black. And sometimes, especially when we listen to oldies together, he'll put on his " '60s psychedelic face" and trip me out. Plus he's always ready to talk 24/7 and can fetch people for me miles away.
Now can your best friend do all of that?
Gosh, we do everything together now. Our favorite thing to do is to go driving. But despite this seemingly passive activity, I have received much flak for it from my parents, friends and society.
They say things like, "People talking on cell phones while driving are morons!" or other belittling comments of the sort. But it's harmless! So for you skeptics and "anti-drivetalkers" listen up!
First and foremost, driving while talking is perfectly safe! Sure, sometimes I get so enraptured in my conversation with my Mom that I accidentally run a red or almost hit someone or something, but that's only SOMETIMES! Sheesh! One almost fatal collision and everyone bites your head off.
And, just for the record, accidents aren't that bad. I've been involved in a few.
ONCE I met this gorgeous girl who I merged into! Man, she was a knock out! I even got a date with her and exchanged telephone numbers with her ... OK, OK, they were for a court date and for auto insurance info, but still, a court DATE. I got to see her again, and this time she smiled at me! But only after the judge told her I was to pay for her car repair. But she did smile ...
Reason two for cell phone driving, radiation! When I was little, my parents forbade me to stand next to the microwave when it was operating because of radiation. So, logically, shouldn't I take the same precautions with cell phones and not talk for excessive amounts of time, to my mother, like I normally do?
Of course not! The way I look at it is radiation is a good thing. Look, I only scored 1100 on my SATs and don't have "the fastest hamster running on the wheel," but I think if I continue to talk on my cell phone for the hour-long periods that I normally do, my brain cells and brain waves will mutate and I'll soon possess clairvoyance and be able to telepathically talk to people.
PLUS who needs brain cells anyway? People say you only use a 10th or so of your brain, so that leaves 90 percent to just atrophy. Why not try to wake those sleeping cells via radiation? Maximize!
And finally, the last and most quintessential reason for talking on the phone is to look cool! Who doesn't want to look cool? Who doesn't want to fit in?
Sure I'm Asian, and Tommy Hilfiger has made racist remarks, but SO WHAT? I want to "fit in" so I buy and wear his clothes.
Sure, I have black hair and brown eyes, but I think I look more "normal and cool" with blue contact lenses and blonde hair. Yeah, I'm a rebel. Because so many others are talking on the phone while driving -- I'm sure to their own mothers -- why can't I?
You are now enlightened, so go forth with blind eyes and open ears and push that pedal to the metal!
Nicholas M. Wong is a 2000 graduate
of the Academy of the Pacific.Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
Speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666;
snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu 96802;
or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com