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The Goddess Speaks
AT 25, I find it unusual that people worry for me when I say I'm single. Why the look of terror when I say I don't have someone special in my life? Is it the old-maid syndrome kicking in? In pursuit of
happiness aloneWith all the weddings being planned, friends having children, and ex-boyfriends getting married, you'd think I'd be a little worried about being alone. I'm not, but no one believes me when I say I like being alone.
The other night, an old acquaintance called out of the blue to ask if I wanted to grab a bite to eat and catch up on old times. I had some things to do at home (nothing earth-shattering), but I just wasn't up to it. I asked for a raincheck and explained the situation. All seemed well. But when the phrase, "I just wanted to be alone tonight," stumbled out of my mouth, his reaction was, "Why? Did something happen to you?" Uh, no. But thanks for asking.
When I speak to people about my lone pursuits, they often intertwine the words "alone" and "lonely." Why do people assume that because I am alone, I am also lonely?
I now have one girlfriend who just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, two other girlfriends who are engaged, and a few ex-boyfriends who are now married. And none of this bothers me. Really.
It bothers other people. One truth about singlehood is that when individuals meet a 35-year-old single man, the assumption is -- regardless of his occupation or personality -- he is single by choice. Yet, when we see an intelligent, funny, single 25-year-old woman with a spunky personality (even if I do say so myself), people mutter under their breath, "Poor thing, she's all alone. I wonder why she can't find a man?"
Did it ever dawn on anyone that I am alone by choice?
Just because I choose to be single, does not mean I live in isolation. I enjoy my job and the people I work with. I go out with my friends, I meet new people and I am game for trying new things.
But sometimes I like to have a moment to myself for reflection. When I feel like taking a drive by myself, I can. When I want to read one of my Lois-Ann Yamanaka books again, I can. Or, when I want to sit by the TV to watch my subtitled Jet Li movies in peace, I can. Call me selfish if you will, but I like the fact that I am able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and do not have to explain myself to anyone else.
But there's more to it than just selfishness.
To tell you the truth, I just haven't met anyone that makes me want to give up my single status. Some of my friends think I'm too picky when it comes to dating, as though it's a bad thing. But I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't make me happy.
I am young. I have dreams of going to law school. I have career goals I am trying to turn into reality ... not to mention a pretty good outlook on life.
I firmly believe that it's only when you know you are truly happy with and by yourself, that you can begin to be happy with someone else.
I am happy. And if I did meet someone who could actually persuade me to take them on a drive with me or distract me from my favorite books, I wouldn't fight it.
Until then, I'll smile through the well-meaning "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be married someday" comments, because I know that even if I don't end up with a husband and family, it's OK. I've always got my books and Jet Li to keep me company.
Kathryn Kam is currently the 51st Narcissus 1st Princess.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
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