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Honolulu Lite
AS Native Hawaiians continue to press for some form of sovereignty, perhaps it is a good time to discuss why it's so hard for people to start their own country. No man is an
island (or country)Personally, I wouldn't mind converting my little spread in Kaneohe into a sovereign country. I don't think the neighbors would mind. The Bucolic Republic of Boomer would be a peaceful nation, without any standing army, sort of like Costa Rica or Marlon Brando. (Tahiti granted Brando separate-nation status after he ballooned to 425 pounds.)
I'd name my country after my dog Boomer, because I think it's better to be the power behind the throne. That way, if the U.S. government threatened to send in Marines, you could always blame it on your dog, stage a coup and then throw yourself on the mercy of the United Nations.
There are two major problems with forming your own country: Other countries don't pay any attention to you, or worse, they do. In the 1860s, several Southern states found out it's not so easy to quietly sneak away from the United States.
I decided to do some research before announcing formation of the Bucolic Republic of Boomer. I went to the foremost authority on such matters: "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" (Bathroom Readers Press, $9.95), which I consult often (at least once a day, if I'm regular).
Several people have formed their own countries, including Ernest Hemingway's brother, Leicester, according to "The Bathroom Reader." In 1964 Leicester built an 8-by-30-foot platform and anchored it with a Ford engine block seven miles off Jamaica. The international community greeted the new country with intense indifference. Fishermen eventually took half of it for scrap wood and the rest was destroyed in a storm.
AN outback farmer calling himself Prince Leonard declared his 18,500-acre farm an independent nation in 1969, then declared war on Australia. Australia was not amused. The prince backed down and consented to pay Australian taxes as an "international courtesy."
Senior U.S. District Judge Samuel King, who knows a little about sovereignty, said the key to forming an independent nation is gaining international recognition.
"If they recognize your barge as a sovereign country, it's a country," he said.
King wrote an article in the Hawaii Bar Journal last year about Hawaiian sovereignty and the several different forms it could take. He pointed out that while most of the groups were still in the theoretical stage, Dennis "Bumpy" Kanahele "has achieved sovereignty already."
I believe his honor's tongue was planted just a bit in his judicial cheek. His point was that the state has handed over a chunk of land in Waimanalo to Bumpy, where he reigns as head of the Independent and Sovereign Nation of Hawaii.
"His followers are still few enough not to constitute a threat to the state," King wrote.
I believe that the Bucolic Republic of Boomer would similarly not be a threat to the United States. But I'm going to hold off declaring independence until I dig a little deeper into "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader."
"The Bathroom Reader" mentions Italian Girogio Rosa, who built a tower in the Adriatic Sea, complete with bar, restaurant and post office. The Italian government blew up the tower after Rosa declared the "Isle of Rosa" a sovereign nation.
If Boomer and I got my house blown up my wife would have some choice words. And they wouldn't be "bad dog."
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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