Braving the shopping fray at the malls, wrestling with a gift list that's bigger than the checkbook balance, tackling the cleaning needed to make the holiday bright: They are common struggles leading up to Christmas.

But many, many people are struggling to just make it through the season and get past it. They are grieving for someone who died or left; they are depressed or afraid because they've lost a job or their home or security; or they are anxious because of illness or separation.

People who are going through a blue Christmas don't always recognize it. Their friends and families and co-workers might add to their struggle by expecting them to join the festivities and put on a happy face.

Several churches have joined in a national trend to bring “;blue Christmas”; out in the open. First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu has offered “;Surviving the Holidays”; sessions, the last of which will be at 11 a.m. tomorrow at the Koolau Golf Course. Waiokeola Congregational Church held its blue Christmas service last Sunday, weaving it into the regular service to give the whole congregation the insight and opportunity to be comforters for those who mourn.

St. Andrew's Cathedral will add a historical perspective to the personal confrontation with sadness and pain at Christmas. The Episcopal cathedral chose to mark blue Christmas on the longest, darkest night of the year, the winter solstice. It was a time of anxiety for primitive man aware of lessening sun and shortening days. Will it be this dark forever? Will it never be light or warm again?

“;Winter solstice has forever been the time we grieved, we experienced the feeling of it being a long, dark night,”; said the Rev. Tim Sexton, cathedral provost.

But the other side of it is that “;we realize that the light does come back; it is a part of what we are going through. There is grief but life does go on.”;

The evening service on Dec. 21 will have music, meditation and prayer. It will also offer people a chance to share their stories in a quiet way, in one-on-one situations. “;Many people just need a space to come to where they can contemplate and feel the grief without being judged and condemned.

“;We can acknowledge the sadness and assure people they are not walking on their path alone,”; said Sexton. That's the aim of the service, but it's also a model for an individual approach to helping someone blue at Christmas.

“;It's about honoring the feelings we have when someone has died. We can take the piece of their lives that we are continuing to live, and it is not just the loss we experience. We try to put it in some format to continue.”;

Sexton and his wife, Barbara, experienced the death of their son in a traffic accident. “;This time of the year always brings back the sense of loss.”;

He said this year there are economic overtones to the blue Christmas, with “;people who, because of their own economic loss, their loss of jobs, are at a loss themselves.”;

It helps people if they express their feelings, not bottle them up and put on a brave face. “;A lot of people connect with the idea of journaling. It helps to write about the person they have in mind, their life and their grief. Do it honestly.”;

Another aid is to “;find one little thing, a memento”; and bring it out in the open, to focus on the memory and share the story it evokes.

“;I have told people to think of a Christmas symbol that becomes special to them, some way of connecting with their loss that honors it.”;

“;We use the word 'celebrate' when we get together at this season,”; said Sexton. “;The celebration of the birth of Christ is about more than buying gifts. It's about finding inner peace and having the assurance that we all walk this path together with the guidance of the Lord.”;