They were “;invisible children,”; growing up with a mentally ill parent and suffering in silence.

“;Mother had a lot of tragedy in her life,”; recalls Beth Murph, the oldest of the five.

Her father, who was in the Air Force, was killed in a plane crash in Alaska when her mother was six months pregnant with twins. After five years she married another Air Force man, who was gone for long periods of time.

At times her mother could be “;the perfect mother,”; she said. “;She was fun, nurturing and creative. ... We traveled and cooked together. We had a perfect family life until she'd go on the brink. It was like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing.”;

The trouble worsened as the kids entered their teen years, she said. “;Any kind of crisis or additional stressors would make her go over the edge, and she became violent and abusive.”;

  Murph, grants manager for the Harold K.L. Castle Foundation, will speak publicly for the first time about the anguish of her mother's mental illness and family turmoil at a conference tomorrow called “;Out of the Shadows: Seeking Supports for Families with a Mentally Ill Parent.”;

The free meeting is open to the public from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. in the state Capitol auditorium. Sponsors are Mental Health America of Hawaii with the Hawaii Children's Trust Fund, Consuelo Foundation and Mental Health Transformation Grant.

Others speaking at the conference will be Martha Rasmus, director and founder of the Invisible Children's Project in Wisconsin and ukulele player and teacher Roy Sakuma, who grew up with a mentally ill mother and brother.

  In an interview recalling the painful years she and her siblings suffered, Murph said, “;The thing important for me to share is the fact that our mother's illness could be controlled by medication, but she was never diagnosed until we were all grown up.”;

Had the diagnosis, paranoid schizophrenia, been known in the early stages, her mother, who died at age 70, could have been treated and “;had more of a chance at a happy life,”; Murph said. “;Now, with war going on, I shudder to think what some kids are going through, because some mothers might not be able to handle it, like our mother. Tragedy can be prevented.”;

Her father was a Hawaiian who was stationed at Hickam Air Force Base when she was born, Murph said. Her mother was from Tennessee. When she was 4, a military transfer sent the family to Spokane, Wash., where her brother was born.

A fifth child came along after her mother remarried.

Her youngest brother began to exhibit signs of illness and was institutionalized at age 15 and died at age 30, she said. “;My sisters and I didn't even know he was in a mental institution until he died.”;

  Murph married at 19, and she and her husband, Timothy, moved to Tennessee from Wyoming after their first child was born. She had not heard from her family in six months when her brother showed up and told her what was happening, she said.

Their stepfather was on duty in Korea, and their mother had three teens in the house and the youngest child in the first or second grade, she said.

To escape the abuse, her 15-year-old twin sisters moved out and were living on their own in Wyoming, she said. She invited them to live with her, and she and her husband raised them along with their three children, she said.

Her brother, then 18 and married, also “;was in and out”; with his wife, she said.

Despite a traumatic family life while growing up, Murph said, “;Once we could all come together, it really helped to be able to move on. Everybody ventured out on their own and made it. It wasn't easy.”;

She and her husband, vice president of a roofing company, moved here in 1991.