StarBulletin.com

Adoption's faces


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POSTED: Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mark and Jalene Huff had already raised four boys when foster children Nick and Theresa entered their Kauai home.

“;It's easier with foster children,”; Mark said. “;There's an appreciation level that's higher on their part because they didn't always have what they have (now). People are always afraid to take in foster kids because they think it's so hard, but if you raise other kids, you're pleasantly surprised that it's easier. At least for us.”;

This doesn't mean it was smooth sailing all the way. The couple says they have had to scold at times. And they have had some behavior problems with the four other foster children who've passed through their home, but “;we've been able to handle them,”; Mark said.

“;We found that with all of our foster kids, that if you're a very present parent, it gives them security. Then they can be kids again. Who, at 6 years old, wants to have to make decisions?”;

  Nick and Teresa were placed into foster care because of “;extreme neglect”; due to their mom's drug problem, Mark said.

In the beginning, a consistent daily schedule helped give the kids structure. “;That was where they found their security,”; he said. “;We always had breakfast together, (and) they knew I would pick them up from school every day.”;

Mark's job as an entertainer allows him to be there for the children during the day. He coaches Teresa's volleyball team, which improved from last year's losing record to 5-2 this season and is tied for first place going into a tournament on Dec. 10.

Jalene works for Headstart, a national program administered by the Child and Family Services division.

Although they have formally adopted Nick and Teresa, the couple say they remain open to having more foster children. Their profile is posted on adoptuskids.org, a Web site used to “;recruit and connect foster and adoptive families with waiting children throughout the United States.”;

 

Teresa's story

“;I remember living with my mom in the Wailua House Lots,”; Teresa said, remembering her biological mother. “;She was never home. ... My brother took care of me.”;

Teresa also remembers her father, but said her parents did not get along so he moved back to Ohio, where he died of a heart attack in 2002.

At age 6, when she moved in with Mark and Jalene, she quickly embraced them as Mom and Dad, Teresa said. “;It only took me 10 seconds.”;

Now 13, she attends St. Catherine's Catholic School and spends time playing volleyball, volunteering at the Humane Society and dancing hula with Leilani Rivera Bond's Halau Hula o Leilani. She also performs with her dad at various shows and does her own choreography for her hula segments.

Exuberant over the phone, Teresa gives her answers freely. She says the best thing about being adopted is having a family that is around a lot. And she also likes having stepbrothers in different parts of the world. “;You always feel secure,”; Teresa said. “;You always feel safe that there's always someone here.”; She has met three of her adopted brothers and her two nephews.

Teresa speaks to her biological mother, who lives on Maui, once a week. “;It's part of her therapy,”; Teresa said. “;I don't feel comfortable going over there to see her, but if she were to come here, maybe we could get together for lunch or something.”;

 

Nick's story

Nick, 19, is in his third semester at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. He wants to get into the film school and is equipment manager for the UH football team. “;I got to go to the Sugar Bowl last year.”;

Unlike Teresa, Nick is more reserved about his past. “;I remember everything,”; Nick said about his childhood and the day that changed his life.

It was the end of the seventh grade, Nick said. “;Everything seemed like a regular day. ... It was kind of weird because I didn't know anything was going on. One day my auntie said we were going to stay with her.”;

Nick and Teresa stayed with their aunt for about two weeks before going to live with the Huffs.

“;It was pretty cool,”; Nick said. “;I got a lot of opportunities that I wouldn't have if I stayed with my mom. In some ways it benefited my life, but in some ways, like not being with my mom, it lessened it, too.”;

Nick does not call Jalene and Mark mom and dad. “;I never really got into the habit,”; he said. “;It didn't seem right.”;

Mark understands Nick's loyalty toward his birth parents. “;You'll find that with foster kids, they will have a fierce loyalty to their parents no matter what,”; Mark said. But Nick does refer to the Huffs as his parents, Mark added.

Nick met his biological father in Massachusetts a few years ago but has not been able to keep in touch. “;We used to write letters and stuff, but I really suck at writing letters.”; He does not think his dad has e-mail, but if he wanted to renew contact, Nick would welcome the chance.

He speaks with his biological mother a couple of times a week. “;I was on Maui for spring break. ... I saw her,”; he said. “;And she came to visit me in Oahu over the summer.”; He then points out a similarity they share: “;She loves the outdoors, just like me.”;