'Tis the season of expectations, fa-lalalala la-LAH-lala.

We're out in the malls this weekend expecting to get bargains because we can't, we just must not, spend as much as last year.

The kids on the list might hear all their parents' messages about the economy and cutting back, but their expectations are more tuned to TV commercials and legends of miraculous surprises than Mom and Dad's fa-lalalala about hard times.

Adults on the shopping list are talking about moving past the obligatory exchange of presents: “;Let's just spend some time together.”; That's an expectation in itself. In these hectic multitasking times, giving your time as a patient listener, a helpful handyman, the chauffeur and shopping companion is a huge investment. Much easier to drop off a gold-wrapped something.

The first hurdle of facing expectations is behind us. Did the Thanksgiving feast measure up to the past perfect feast at Grandma's table? Did everyone live up to the myth of harmony and conviviality as we gathered together? For those hundreds of people who donated and volunteered and worried about feeding people who have low expectations, did they find satisfaction at the end of the day, or were they sad about all those out in the byways whom they were not able to feed?

We set ourselves up to be disappointed at these particular holidays. The culture leads us to believe we're entitled to happiness but also that we need to measure up somehow. How do you demonstrate you're prosperous and cherished by family and friends? How do you show off how thoroughly you're into the season—with dazzling clothes, with the ultimate culinary achievement, with the most strings of lights on your house, the most fireworks in the driveway?

Just thinking about all that lies ahead in December makes me embrace the concept of Advent like a warm hoodie on a rainy day. The season begins tomorrow, an old Christian thing, a season of anticipation before the celebration of the birth of Christ. It's not a get-busy, thrust-yourself-into-action time. It's not an eat, drink and be merry period. It's about thought, not “;bought.”;

It's a be-still-and-reflect-on-your-life time. It would be the perfect time to invest time in a relative or friend. Find something to read and turn down the fa-lalalala. Call someone in mourning or diminished health, someone in need of a sympathetic ear. Write a check for those volunteers to try again to feed the hungry.

You don't have to be an old kind of Christian to observe the Advent season. It works as a training period for the secular celebration of good times and gift-giving, too. It's a time to recharge your own batteries before buying all those toys that need batteries. It's not a bad thing to rethink the holiday expectations and, maybe, create some new ones.