A job for Hillary to sink her teeth into


POSTED: Sunday, November 23, 2008

I think President-elect Barack Obama was wrong to consider Hillary Clinton for the position of secretary of state because it underutilizes her true talents.

If Sarah Palin was a pit bull with lipstick, Hillary is a pit bull in a pantsuit. Being secretary of state would put her in the miscast role of having to play nice-nice with leaders all over the world.

My suggestion is to make Hillary secretary of a new Cabinet post, the Department of Whacking Osama bin Laden. I have no doubt that if Hillary Clinton were turned loose with the sole goal of tracking down and eliminating the world's most dangerous terrorist, she could do it. In fact, I would bet that knowing Hillary was after him would cause bin Laden to quake in his turban.

And while she's at it, she should take out that bearded munchkin Ayman al-Zawahiri, the al-Qaida second-in-command who recently made racial slurs against Obama. What was that little loser thinking, trash-talking a guy who can sink three-pointers at will?

And just to make sure bin Laden and al-Zawahiri reach room temperature as soon as possible, Obama should call on fellow Honolulu hometown boy Duane “;Dog”; Chapman as deputy secretary of the Department of Whacking Osama bin Laden.

Does anyone doubt that Hillary and the Dog could run bin Laden to ground? Hillary and Dog working together as a two-person terrorist strike force would make Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme look like the Olsen twins.

Of course, Hillary would need a cool nickname like Dog's. Maybe “;Mombo”; or “;Killary.”;

Both Hillary and the Dog have a lot of pent-up anger and frustration. Hillary first had to put up with the shenanigans of her husband and then got run over by the Obama juggernaut. Dog faced going to prison in Mexico and then temporarily lost his bounty-hunter TV show for making less-than-gracious comments about his son's African-American girlfriend.

Going after Osama bin Laden would be a useful way to allow Mombo and Dog to vent. And it would show the world that President Obama will not be soft on terrorists.

So please, Mr. Future President, take the leashes off of Mombo Clinton and Dog Chapman and let them do what they are really good at: ripping the throats out of people who get in their way. The world will be a better place.


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