I was watching the movie “;Fatal Attraction”; recently, as all good husbands should at least once a year to remind them of the perils of “;sporting about,”; and I realized that the entire movie could not be made today because of cell phones.

You'll recall that in “;Fatal Attraction”; the Michael Douglas character has a fling with the Glenn Close character while his wife and daughter are out of town. But the fling was a bigger thing for Close than Douglas knew, and soon she was stalking him and killing his pets and generally just being a real bummer. In the end, Douglas and his wife end up killing Close in a bathtub because, you know, the family that slays together stays together.

But if Douglas' wife had a cell phone, he never would have made hoochie-coochie with Close because his wife would have been calling him all the time. It would be like, “;Hi, honey, we're at the airport. What are ya up to?”; and “;Hi, sweetie, we got to Mom's, are you having dinner?”; And “;We're getting ready to go to bed, you missing us?”; The guy would never have had time to dirty-dance with Close.

So I started to think of other movies that could never be made if cell phones were around. Here are a few:

» “;The Birds”;: If Tippi Hedren had a cell phone, that little California town would never have been cut off from the outside world when the birds attacked. She could have just called the California Department of Wildlife and said, “;Hey, man, there's a lot of freakin' birds flying around up here, and they're ticking everyone off. Send somebody up here pronto.”; Bam. No movie.

» “;Cast Away”;: If Tom Hanks had a cell phone, he could have just called someone and said, “;Dude, I'm on a deserted island. Follow the cell signal and come and get me.”;

» “;The Deer Hunter”;: Same deal as “;Cast Away.”; When Robert DeNiro and his buddies were up to their necks in that bamboo cage in the Mekong River waiting to go play Where's the Bullet with their captors, they could have just called headquarters and said, “;Come and get us. We're in a cage in the river about 40 clicks north of Da Nang. Follow the sound of sporadic gunfire.”;

» “;Saving Private Ryan”;: All soldiers today have cell phones. To save Pvt. Ryan today, Tom Hanks would only have to ring him up and say, “;Where are you, man? Got some bad news. Come on back here and we'll tell you about it. Don't make us get our butts shot up coming out to get you.”;

» “;Wizard of Oz”;: Dorothy says, “;What do you mean follow the Yellow Brick Road? Let's just call the Wizard and have him send a limo or something. Hey, little guy, gimme the phone.”;

» “;High Noon”;: Gary Cooper, seeing the streets deserted and all the townsfolk cowering under their beds, could have just called the sheriff in the neighboring jurisdiction. “;Hi there. Look, my peeps are dissing me. Send some backup. And some sunblock. It's hot out there at noon.”;

That's just a few. E-mail me your Movies That Couldn't Be Made Because of Cell Phones, and I'll add them to the growing list.