Welcome to the Lite Tuesday Notebook, where we say hail to the chief, hell to the chef and heel to the Chihuahua as we address the most curious issues on this Election Day.

» Speaking of Chihuahuas ... Did you ever wonder which presidential candidate your dog would vote for if his little paws could reach the voting machine buttons? Well, we have the answer, thanks to Hawaii Pet Nanny owner Tammy Kubo.

I told you several months ago about how Tammy had decided to conduct a poll of pets to see how pets would vote if they could. On the Web site visitmypet.com she allowed visitors to answer the question: Are you a doggie mama for Obama or a K9 for McCain? The results are in and Obama has claimed a majority of pet support with 73.9 percent versus McCain's 26.1 percent.

Forget all those other polls you hear about, like CBS and the New York Times. They only reflect the fallible human point of view. When results from today's election are in, Tammy's pet poll likely will prove to have been the most reliable.

Tammy points out it is ironic that Obama won the most pet votes because he doesn't even own one. “;He's promised his daughters he will get them a pet whether he is elected president or not,”; she said. “;I think he should get a poi dog from Hawaii to show he is not elitist.”;

McCain would seem to have been the animal favorite since, according to reports, he owns three turtles, three parakeets, two dogs, a cat, 13 saltwater fish and a ferret.

» Grossout of the Year: I regret that I have some totally disgusting news to share with you. As president and founder of the Worldwide I Hate Mayonnaise Club, it is my reluctant duty to keep abreast of distasteful mayo-related events.

A reader alerted me to a new product that will turn the stomach of anyone with good taste: Baconnaise. I wish this was a joke but it isn't. A company called J&D's is marketing Baconnaise, a mixture of mayonnaise and bacon flavoring.

Is the world clamoring for mayo that tastes like bacon? The inventors, Justin and Dave, admit on their Web site they don't even like mayonnaise. Nevertheless, they set out to see if they “;could make a mayonnaise product that met our own high bacony standards.”;

The result is Baconnaise, which sounds like something a dog would cough up after scarfing down your BLT behind your back.

Even worse, Baconnaise doesn't even contain real bacon. They claim it can be eaten by vegetarians. Why they think vegetarians are looking for a greasy glob of gunk that tastes like dead pig is beyond me.

» Find Lite Easier: This newspaper's webmaster, Rob Myers, has overseen a spectacular overhaul of starbulletin.com with many cool new features. One improvement is that it is now easier to find past Honolulu Lites. Click “;Features”; at the top of the page, scan to columns and voila! Lots of Lites. Thanks, Rob!