Welcome to the Honolulu Lite Tuesday Notebook, where we trip the light fantastic, body-check the light grotesque and sucker-punch the light annoying in order to address the important issues of the day.

» Department of Titillation Mastication and Uranus: A reader sent a list of popular words that sound dirty but aren't. The list purports to come from a “;men's lifestyle site”; on AOL, but a quick check of the Internet shows they are the usual suspects that pop up wherever such words are contemplated. Some of the recurring non-naughty favorites include titillate, masticate, Uranus, angina, coccyx, pianist, rectory, cockle, titular and philatelist.

Just off the top of my head, I can do better than some of those. How about crotchety, kumquat or giblet? And I'm sure circumscribed and gesticulating readers of this column can do much better. E-mail your prickly suggestions and I'll report back on the best of the worst.

» Free Get-Rich-Quick Idea: I had to write a letter recently and send it by snail mail. I wanted it to appear personal, so I decided to write it longhand instead of typing it on the computer and printing it out. After a few attempts, I was reminded why I don't write letters by hand anymore.

My scrawl resembles the writing of your less sophisticated ransom-note authors. To call my blocky, crude alphabet soup “;childish”; would be an insult to children. When I tried to write cursive, what we used to call “;real writing,”; where all the letters in a word are joined together, the effect was the kind of incoherent scribble left written on the walls of mental institutions in the “;Severely Disturbed”; ward.

So I saw a financial opportunity for someone with lovely penmanship. Set up a Web site where people can send you letters or notes, and for a fee you rewrite them in the human hand with an actual ink pen and forward them on to the intended recipients. A sort of Calligraphy R Us kind of deal. I'll accept my usual 10 percent cut from anyone who launches such a service.

» Sustainable Hawaii Contest: Some people think it is possible that Hawaii could become completely energy self-reliant at some point in the future. Short of striking oil on the slopes of Mauna Kea or finding a large uranium deposit under Kalihi, I'm not sure how that can happen. But it doesn't hurt to come up with ideas on how we can at least make better use of the energy we have at hand.

I think we can save a lot of electricity if people are allowed to form “;shower pools.”; It would be like carpooling. You round up a lot of (hopefully attractive) friends and take showers together. Not only would it save energy, it could do wonders for your social life. Shower-pooling could become to saving hot water what Greenpeace is to saving whales.

E-mail your ideas on how to make Hawaii sustainable. And, please, nothing about mass transit or funny-looking light bulbs. We need radical, fun and entertaining ways to save the islands and the Earth. It's time to snatch environmental policy from the dour and pompous. Save the planet and pass the soap!