In 2007 a husband and wife in their early 30s were arrested and charged with attempted murder, accused of trying to starve their 11-year-old daughter, who weighed no more than 40 pounds. A healthy 11-year-old girl weighs about 80 pounds.

I read the newspaper article twice because I couldn't believe parents would do that to their own flesh and blood. Their child is now in foster care, and, according to the article, “;her needs are being met.”;

I then asked myself if I had met the needs of my children. They both seem in perfect health and rarely catch colds. But what about their psychological well-being? Here, I suspect I could have done better as their mother.

Before they became adults, I was strict with my children. Besides teaching them to shun criminal behavior like shoplifting, I emphasized academic success.

  My first daughter, Maria, was elected class treasurer as a junior and senior in high school, graduated summa cum laude and received a number of awards and scholarships. She was inducted into the honor society Phi Beta Kappa in college, won the top prize in her summer Korean-language class at Yonsei University in Seoul and majored in math with a minor in history. She's now a board-certified, tenured high school math teacher.

My second daughter, Lisa, struggled in high school, and I found myself comparing her with her sister, managing to kill Lisa's spirit in the process. She became extremely rebellious; it was a miracle she graduated.

Now, with a community college certificate in cosmetology, she is a hairstylist and doing better in life. Since deciding to become a physical therapist, she has been more focused on raising her grade-point average.

  After she graduates with a bachelor's degree in kinesiology from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, she intends to get her master's in physical therapy. As UH does not offer a PT program, her college counselor gave her a list of mainland schools that don't charge nonresident tuition. I hope she does well enough to win a scholarship for the two to three years she'll be in graduate school.

I am determined to be a positive force in Lisa's life, to encourage her in her endeavors and, above all, to stop belittling her. Now I understand that being a parent means feeding a child's soul in addition to a child's body.