Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger

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These leads will leave you saying ‘Huh?’

I've been collecting strange and bewildering leads from various news stories that come over the wire or on the Internet for a new feature here tentatively called the Honolulu Lite Department of Huh?

A lead, or lede, as we say in the news-gathering business, is the first paragraph of a story. It's the first thing you learn to write in journalism school. It's supposed to hook the reader into wanting to read on. But the Honolulu Lite Department of Huh? will concentrate on leads that make the reader too afraid to read on, either because the implication is so horrifying that any additional information will result in sensory overload, or because it will spoil the wonderful feeling of mystery and befuddlement that the lead creates. These are REAL news stories from various sources, not the funny hoax stories you might find in the Onion or sometimes the Fortean Times, which, frankly, pale by comparison.

Honolulu Lite Department of Huh?

» A stranger broke into a home east of Fresno, Calif., rubbed spices on the body of one of two men as they slept and used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he fled, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

» A convicted murderer on death row will have his body turned into fish food and fed to goldfish, all for the sake of art. Gene Hathorn, 47, who was convicted of killing his father, stepmother and stepbrother in 1985, has given his consent to artist Marco Evaristti to use his body as an "art installation" in part of a wider project on capital punishment.

» More than 40 members of the Deep Life Church in and around Umuolighe in Alaoma community near Omoba in Isialangwa South Local Government Area of Abia State, Nigeria, died mysteriously last weekend shortly after a family deliverance prayer session.

» A man who attempted to break into the East London Museum got more than he bargained for when he impaled himself on a security fence. While trying to escape the scene, he ended up with one of the fence's sharp metal spikes up his bottom.

» Thailand's embattled prime minister appeared in court today to defend himself against accusations he violated the constitution by hosting a televised cooking show while in office.

» The Macomb County, Mich., coroner ruled Friday that a 42-year-old woman found dead last month in her blood-covered condo without any sign of injury to her body died of drinking too much water.

» After being shot five times last weekend, a western Nebraska man had to go to court to get his prosthetic leg back from prosecutors.

» The Idaho Vandals football team is dumping the letter "I" from the buttocks region of player's new pants following a season-opening 70-0 loss to the Arizona Wildcats.

All together now: "HUH?"