Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger

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What happens in Honolulu stays where?

KHON morning news anchor Kirk Matthews and advanced forensic investigative meteorology analyst (weather babe) Trini Kaopuiki were lamenting the fact that Orlando, Fla., has joined Las Vegas in adopting a snazzy tourism marketing slogan and Honolulu hasn't.

Orlando's tourism bureau is taking its marketing campaign right into the belly of the beast, its main competitor, Las Vegas. Playing off of Sin City's famous theme, "Whatever happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas," Orlando has put a huge billboard between the Las Vegas airport and the convention center that says, "Whatever happens in Orlando, stays with you forever."

Orlando should have put a little more thought into its slogan. "Whatever happens in Orlando, stays with you forever," sounds like a warning about a police rap sheet. Or a sexually transmitted disease. The point of Vegas' slogan was that you can misbehave in that city and it won't follow you home. Orlando's makes it sound like if you screw up in Orlando, it will follow you home, bang on your front door and tell your wife or husband.

But Trini and Kirk have a point. Why doesn't Honolulu enter the "Whatever happens" slogan sweepstakes?

I suggest we stay away from a slogan like Orlando's, which is more likely to scare people away than attract them.

For instance, I don't think "Whatever happens in Honolulu ends up on YouTube" is a particularly good idea. Or "Whatever happens in Honolulu, often results in indictments." Or "Whatever happens in Honolulu stays on your insurance abstract for years."

And it shouldn't be too cryptic, like "Whatever happens in Honolulu, stays in Kaaawa next to my cousin's brother's auntie's house." Or "Whatever happens in Honolulu stays weird, brah."

And we don't want it to be too gushy or sappy, like "Whatever happens in Honolulu, stays like a gentle kiss of a tradewind shower on your forehead." Or, "Whatever happens in Honolulu, will make your heart throb like you just mainlined pure plumeria blossom juice into your love vein."

I kind of like "Whatever happens in Honolulu, likely isn't communicable." It's not very inspiring but is comforting. Or "Whatever happens in Honolulu, stays behind with your baggage in the airport."

Or we could just cut right to the chase and say "Whatever happens in Honolulu, is a lot cooler than anything than happens in Las Vegas or Orlando."

Send me your ideas on a good slogan regarding what happens to people visiting Honolulu. I'll compile them and, who knows, maybe Kirk and Trini will announce them on a future morning news broadcast. Try to keep the profanity levels and cultural insults to a minimum. (For some reason, these reader-participation contests tend to bring out the worst in people.) And Trini, I use the term "weather babe" with utmost respect. And because "advanced forensic investigative meteorology analyst" is too hard to say.