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Sidelines
Kalani Simpson
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'That' feeling is only found here at home
COLLEGE football season officially started yesterday, which is joyous, exciting news. Unfortunately, yesterday's telecasts also informed us that "Grey's Anatomy" season is also starting soon, which, as Herman Frazier would say (in a prepared statement, through a spokesman) is "unfortunate."
(It's enough to make you want to jam a pencil in your eye, really.)
Nevertheless, we take the good with the bad. And I guess this means there is something for everyone. No matter whether you are a half-crazed, emotional, irrational, drooling, live-and-die, week-in-and-week-out die-hard maniac, or whether you're a college football fan, there is a lot of anticipation in the air.
I wanted to capture this feeling. I had a great idea. I know it was a great idea, because unlike many of my ideas there was no immediate eye-rolling.
I would call a couple of bars in Tuscaloosa, Ala., and talk to whoever answered the phone. Bartenders. Local characters. Drunk coeds. Whatever. Together, we would paint the scene of a college town on the brink of erupting.
What are the people of Alabama saying with Hawaii on the way?
It was a great idea. I even ran it past Birmingham News sports columnist Kevin Scarbinsky, and he did not call me an idiot. No, he gave me phone numbers.
"You've got to call the original Dreamland barbecue restaurant," he wrote. "That place is so famous, it's almost a shrine."
It is. I'm pretty sure it is a shrine. Unfortunately, when I called on the phone last night, it sounded like one of those shrines you see in Iraq on TV, where several thousand people are crowded together and have whipped themselves into a religious frenzy.
College football season officially started yesterday. The college town had already started to erupt.
It sounded loud. Loud like a plane taking off. Loud like guys out on the scene making moves had to go on a silent count.
As soon as the phone was answered I knew my great idea was already gone. My pitch was falling on ears that were already deaf:
"Yeah, we're excited. You want to speak to the manager?"
This was now officially a bad idea. It was my fault. Bad timing. Not thinking. Calling during happy hour? Kickoff coming for the first SEC game of the college football season?
A 5-minute hold for the manager confirmed it. Yes, he, too was excited. Things were a little too exciting. I should probably call back at 7 a.m. when things were less exciting, and I could talk to the general manager, who might think of something to say that wouldn't get anyone in trouble.
Any chance of passing the phone around the bar, any average fans who might want to talk?
Uh, no. Better chance of me buying "Dr. McDreamy" on DVD.
I went back to Scarbinsky's e-mail.
"Then there's the Hounds-tooth, voted the No. 1 college sports bar in the nation by Sports Illustrated or SI.com or SIoncampus.com or somebody like that."
Another excellent suggestion, a bar called "the Houndstooth" in Tuscaloosa, Ala., the land of the Bear.
It was the belly of the beast. College football officially starting? The place was so hopping they don't even answer the phone.
Oh, great idea.
Time to use the Napoleon Dynamite voice:
Idiot!
There was only one thing left to do. Capture that feeling of excitement locally. Of course, there's no way it could compare to Tuscaloosa. That's like apples and grapes. And, really, with only 17,000-something season-ticket holders, there really isn't that much excitement in the air, locally, these days. Not like in years past.
But there is one guy. My friend Rainbow Joe. He has the "H" on the roof of his car. He named his second son "Kafentzis."
He could hold his own with those maniacs in the SEC.
So here we are, just days away from Hawaii playing at Alabama. I found Joe.
He was doing the haka.
College football started yesterday. Not even another season of "Grey's Anatomy" could ruin this.