What the Heck? John Heckathorn

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Guzman goes BAM! at wine festival

Messy Business: Corporate tables are sold out and only 100 individual tickets remain for Saturday's 17th annual Honolulu Wine Festival (538-1522).

It's going to be tough to get in at the last minute, and even tougher to get a seat at table in front of Elmer Guzman's cooking station.

Of the 18 chefs cooking up 1,200 pounds of Australian seafood for the event, Poke Stop's Guzman got hands on the blue swimmer crabs. "They're beautiful, humongous," he says.

Having worked for Emeril Lagasse, Guzman is doing an old-fashioned New Orleans clam boil. On a table for 20, first-come, first-served, he's going to dump the whole crabs on newspaper BAM! and let people have at them. Bibs will be provided. "But dress casually," says Guzman. "You have to go at it arms and elbows."

Two For One: In Diamond Head Theatre's current production of "Into the Woods," local actor Jimi Wheeler turns in not one, but two notable performances. He begins as the wolf who gobbles up Little Red Riding Hood and ends up as Cinderella's Prince.

It takes two hours to make Wheeler up as the wolf, with four facial prosthetics, lots of fake hair, size-20 wolf's feet and massive hands.

To change into the prince, he gets two and a half minutes. He can't even get to a dressing room. Four people in the wings rip off his wolf make-up, swab away the adhesive, blow dry his hair and dress him in royal fashion, complete with a sword and boots. "I just stand there with my arms out," says Wheeler. "Then I sprint back on stage."

Not This Morning, I've Got a Headache: Fashion promoter Philana Bouvier was at Diamond Head Video at 9 a.m. Thursday morning, buying a vibrator.

Remove your mind from the gutter. Bouvier had been taking an early Pilates class at Body Balance Centre, when she complained to the woman next to her that she'd had a sinus headache for weeks.

The woman turned out to be naturopathic physician Laurie Steelsmith, who sent her to Longs to buy Chinese white flower oil and then off to buy a vibrator. While inhaling the scent of white flower oil in boiling water, Bouvier vibrated her face. "I felt stupid, but it worked," she reports.

No Butts: Audience participation goes high tech. During next weekend's KCCN FM100 Birthday Bash, people in the crowd can take pictures on their cell phones and e-mail them to a local Web site. Within 90 seconds, the pictures will be beamed back to the concert's control truck, from where they can be flashed up on the 12- by 16-foot screen, providing a crowd's-eye view of the action.

Of course, someone in the truck will preview the pix before they hit the big screen. "So don't bother taking a picture of your butt," notes Cox Radio's John Aeto.

Home Town Heroes: In a world where cell phone pictures get e-mailed to concert big screens, it may seem quaint to worry about words on paper. Still, 50 people showed up at Kumu Kahua Theatre last Tuesday when the Hawaii Literary Arts Council bestowed its Elliot Cades Award for Literature. The award splits $3,000 between two artists, one established and one emerging.

The established artist award went to Kalihi born-and-bred novelist Kiana Davenport. (Her latest: "House of Many Gods.")

After years in New York City, Davenport has come home, building a house in Hawi. No stranger to literary honors, the 6-foot former model still got misty-eyed during her acceptance speech. "You're never a hero in your home town. So it means a lot to recognized at home, with all my Houghtailing cousins here with me."

The emerging artist award went to writer Paul Wood, who lives on Maui. "I'm amazed you found me," he told the Oahu crowd.

Take It to the Streets: Huddled over poke and pork chops at Side Street Inn were the NFL's Frank Cuce and Dave Wintergrass. Under discussion: a street festival to go with next year's Pro Bowl. Expect the two back in September to check out the Aloha Festivals' Ho'olaulea.

Commercial Break: This Wednesday, state film commissioner Donne Dawson and her counterparts from Maui, Kauai and Oahu will be in L.A., at the Association of Independent Commercial Producers award show.

Now that they have Act 88, which went into effect this month and offers cost breaks for film production, they're aiming to lure big budget commercials as well as studio films to the Islands. "We're excited," says Dawson. "We're back in the game."

She notes that if we'd had Act 88 earlier, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" might well have been filmed here. With the breaks in place, we may get some minor second-unit filming for the last film of the series.