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Gas prices
less painful than
alternatives

Though many preoccupied Digital Slobs haven't needed to fill up their gas tanks since they downloaded Texas Hold 'Em shareware 18 months ago, once they have to make an emergency crosstown trip for supplies to CompUSA, they'll get a rude awakening.

Gasoline is now more than $3 a gallon. For perspective, that's almost as much as a medium-sized soda at the cineplex. Actually, if you choose Super Saver Combo Nos. 1 thru 5, they're practically the same price. True, a gallon of gas has more volume than a 32-ounce soda, but for 25 cents more you can upsize your drink to 48 ounces AND get free refills -- just try to get a deal like that on premium unleaded.

Soon even Respectable People might have to adjust behaviors to lighten the load. Many conversion vans might have to reduce their track lighting from 100-watt to 60-watt bulbs. Many SUVs might have to convert their massive home-movie DVD library to a mini-DVD format.

For Digital Slobs needing to take even more draconian measures to make ends meet, there are options, in varying degrees of pill bitterness.

The bus is a cost effective, if time consuming, alternative. In my particular case, however, a guy who calls himself Fluffy (an opinion-leader among those with no fixed address) has convinced about half of his fellow undiagnosed schizophrenics on Route 17 that I am the archangel Gabriel sent to Earth to deliver a very important message -- while flattering, this can make for uncomfortably long trips and, frankly, I want my life back.

For city-dwelling Slobs, Gem Cars (www.gemcar.com) might be a good option. The all-electric vehicles plug into standard 110-volt outlets, charge overnight for mere pennies, are street legal at low speeds (25 mph), have a range of about 30 miles and cost anywhere from $7,000 to $9,000.

Still, they look like something Logan might've carjacked while making his run for "Sanctuary." For those less familiar with mid-'70s science-fiction, the diminutive vehicles could be mistaken for souped-up golf carts. Unfortunately, not all Slobs are ready to look like we're trying to triple bogey the 9th Hole from the corner of Main Street and Fifth Avenue.

Hybrid cars are not as conspicuous about the alternative lifestyles they lead, with familiar frames and chassis keeping their energy-saving activities safely in the closet. They even saddle up to the same gas pumps as he-man SUVs, though they tend to be sippers rather than guzzlers.

The main difference is in the junk in the trunk -- lithium ion batteries that get recharged when the car brakes and help the internal combustion engine with much of the heavy lifting. While the lure of hybrids is that you juice them up just like regular cars (sans extension cords), the dailytimes.com reports that many do-it-yourselfers are pimping them with extra batteries that plug in just the same -- in some cases, increasing fuel efficiency to 250 mpg.

Still, hybrids are pricey, often $3,000 or more than their fossil-fuel only counterparts.

So, for now, there's no perfect alternative. I suppose you could walk, run, or bicycle. But like most Slobs, I'm holding out for my local cineplex to buy Chevron -- that way I can go back and forth refilling my tank for two bits 48 ounces at a time.