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Keep on smiling

Not everyone appreciates an
enthusiastic, "inspired" colleague,
unclouded by negativity

I had noticed during the session that he generally had a broad smile on his face, was optimistic about the future, and was upbeat and open-minded about learning and trying new things.

It came as little surprise to me when the group was identifying the qualities they would be seeking in the people they would define as their "ideal leaders"--the people they'd be most willing to follow-- a constellation of behaviors I label as "inspiring" was his No. 1 rank. He was a man, in other words, who tried to "walk his talk."

What got me thinking, however, was not the fact of his integrity--inspiring as that was--but the following dialogue. When I commented that, in my observation, his own behavior seemed to mirror the "inspire" style, he, and the others in the group, all nodded in agreement. (His ability to "graciously accept" such praise was another of his leadership qualities.)

When I asked, "What kind of feedback do you get regularly from your colleagues about your enthusiasm?" he breathed a deep sigh and for an instant, the twinkle in his eyes paled. "Generally none."

Then he paused and, after another sigh, added, "If I get any feedback, it is more likely to be little barbs like: 'So are you ever going to share what ever it is you are smoking!' or 'Somebody must have gotten another bonus!'"

Several very poignant reminders emerged from this interchange.

For so many people, time at work can become a prison sentence -- a non-fulfilling experience that consumes the major part of their waking hours five to six days a week. Smiles, if they occur, are plastic and forced. Learning and trying new things are shunned under the rationale of "old dogs being unable to learn new tricks." They end up counting the days until their "parole." Their dreams focus on retirement and the hope of a golden parachute. And it is the rare person who can prevent bringing these same feelings home to their own families.

"How was work today?" gets in return a short "Same old same old!"

One has to wonder what young children are learning about what they can expect from their own careers from listening in to those short, repetitive exchanges.

Their smiling 'inspired' colleague, on the other hand is--and wants to be--fully present in the moment. His mind and his heart are unclouded by negativity. Consequently, he thirsts to absorb, understand, and appreciate all the good things going on around him now.

When listening to others ideas, he hears them as opportunities for making things even better versus putting up immediate barriers: "Don't rock the boat!" "We've done it this way for years!" His family often comments that it is hard to get him to stop talking about work when he gets home.

But perhaps the most poignant reminders were embedded in the feedback barbs he related. First, the psychology fueling these reactions is quite simple: projective jealousy. In other words, his colleagues, in their hearts, would like to be able to manifest comparable levels of enthusiasm.

But for their own often deeply rooted reasons, this natural human desire gets turned into throwing cold water on the spark of a burning ember versus adding ones own energies to making it glow even brighter.

(I stress "natural human desire" because it is hard to believe the gift of the miracle of life had an asterik note in fine print to the effect that birth carried a lifetime "prison sentence.")

Second, the existence of these barbs--subtle and obtuse as they may be, including the total absence of any feedback, any acknowledgment of the enthusiasm being exhibited--brings into stark relief one of leadership's greatest challenges. An old Sufi saying put it best: " I never taught anyone archery who at some point did not aim their arrows at my back."

True leaders, in other words have no choice but to strive to "walk their talk" and not succumb to others efforts to talk them out of their walk.

The best that true leaders can hope for is that others will feel inspired to walk alongside them.

Ultimately, it is followers who decide whether leadership is contagious ... or not.