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This nitwit has
a gut feeling

NO, it's not a typo. Yes, that "Football Fever" pick is my pick.

Am I an idiot? A fool?

That has been well-documented here.

But no matter. This is opening Saturday in the college football season, and the No. 1 team in the country is in town, and there is no better time to be an idiot and a fool.

Sorry. "Dreamer." Make that, "there is no better time to believe in impossible dreams."

But I digress. The point is, that pick is mine, and I stand by it. I have a feeling in my gut.

(True, that feeling in my gut may have come from recently eating half of an extra-large "extra grease" pizza in one sitting. But I'm taking it as a sign.)

Hawaii wins tomorrow.

That's right, I'm saying UH beats No. 1, defending two-time national champion USC. It will happen. That's my pick.

I realize this may be going against conventional wisdom. These Trojans look unbeatable. Their offense seems unstoppable. Reggie Bush is untouchable. Even to many staunch UH fans, these truths are self evident.

Forget No. 1 with a bullet. These guys are No. 1 with a wrecking ball.

On our "Football Fever" panel, this week, even UH radio color voice Robert Kekaula is going with USC. I know I am out on a ledge here.

(True, morning radio stars Lanai and Augie join me on the panel in picking Hawaii. But let's not forget, they are professional stand-up comedians.)

So I expect surprise. I expect disbelief. But my wife is actually upset by the fact that I made this pick.

Not because she doesn't want UH to win. But because this is final, indisputable proof that she is married to what my boss (and here comes THAT phone call) would call "a nitwit."

"USC is picked to be national champions!" my wife said, alarmed. "And UH is ... not."

I know. But don't worry. I have a system. I've studied this matchup scientifically. Problem gamblers, take note of ...

The "Curse of Norm Chow" factor

We know the power of this one. Hawaii could have -- and should have -- brought Chow home as head coach when he was up for the job in 1995. Instead, UH opted for Fred "the Perfect Storm" vonAppen. And his three-year tenure ended with an 0-18 Hawaii skid.

Now, coming off two Heisman Trophy quarterbacks and consecutive national championships, USC and Chow inexplicably part ways following a mysterious "non-falling out." And Pete Carroll replaces one of college football's all-time great offensive minds with two guys barely older than the 59-year-old Chow when you add both of their ages (30 and 31) together.

Not saying that UH is off the hook, when it comes to the curse, but USC is definitely on it.

The "Ty Detmer" factor

You know what happened the last time a quarterback who had already won the Heisman played at UH?

Of course you do.

The "Ewa Beach Little League" factor

So the returning Little League World Series champions get to meet the UH football team. I'm not the first to say, it's really the other way around. You can't bet against a team that gets to rub shoulders with the sunshine boys from Ewa Beach. It will be like Rob Schneider's "You can do it!" and Ronald Reagan's "One for the Gipper" combined. Look for a few concussion hits on the opening kickoff if Vonn "the Sultan of Sixth Grade" Fe'ao gives them "the look."

The "Dwayne from 'What's Happening!!' " factor

Remember that episode? When Rerun and Raj had to pull their friend out of the throes of gambling? But first, Dwayne went on an incredible hot streak by picking his football winners based on which teams had the better-looking uniforms, and ... oh. USC has much better looking uniforms. OK, forget that one.

The "Michigan State" factor

After watching that game last Dec. 4 -- with not only a UH berth to the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl, but, quite possibly, the future of the bowl itself, hanging in the balance -- you would have to be hard-pressed to ever pick a visiting team to win here again. That's all I'm going to say.

The "Bagging Groceries" factor

Jerry Glanville. Yes, he's "eccentric." Yes, he's working with a lot of the same guys who were buried at Boise and Fresno last year. But you have to think he gives you a puncher's chance. Or at least he makes you think that, which helps. Bringing this guy in was like a plan hatched by the gang on Scooby Doo: "That's so crazy it just might work."

SO THERE it is. I'm confident. That's my system. Hawaii wins. That's the pick.

"Is there still time to change it?" my wife asked.

No.

Do you believe in miracles?

Sure.