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There are 3 basic types
of relationships

Toward the end of one of his movies, Woody Allen told a joke about a man who visited a psychiatrist. The man told the psychiatrist that he had a friend who thought he was a chicken. This friend was a very popular individual who had good relationships with many people. But his belief that he was a chicken was causing problems, such as the need to find restaurants that served raw corn seeds when he went out with friends.

The psychiatrist told the man, "I think I can help him if you can encourage him to come and see me. I think I can help him come to grips with the fact that he is a person and not a chicken."

The man then said, "But we need the eggs."

Then, during one of the few occasions where he explained a joke, Woody Allen said, "That's what it is about relationships: We need the eggs."

People need others in their lives. Very few of us would be happy living as hermits. People provide various types of resources: companionship, information, nurturance, affection, favors, services, and so forth.

Of course, relationships can go afoul and can cause distress. Almost everyone can think of a person that they once knew and to whom they felt close, but they no longer feel this way. In addition, they can think of the exact reasons, such as the betrayal of confidences or the refusal to repay debts.

Some relationships go wrong because the people involved define them differently. One person may think that a certain relationship is very close, but the other person thinks that it is a casual working relationship. This can be especially true when people come from different cultural backgrounds and have different definitions of terms such as "cousin," "friend," "colleague," and "neighbor."

One way to think about relationships is to examine the amount of emotional closeness among people. People can think about individuals who are very close to them.

They spend a great deal of free time together. The emotions that are experienced by one person are felt by the other person. If one person in the relationship has a problem, the other person would be insulted if no request for help was made. What's a good term for these people? "Close family members and long-time friends" is one phrase that captures people who have these strong bonds.

People can then think of individuals who are not so close as members of this first group. Every emotional up and down is not shared. But the people socialize with each other and enjoy getting together once in a while.

These people stop and chat with each other if they unexpectedly see each other at a shopping mall. These people might be invited to a big wedding involving 300 or more guests, but would probably not be invited to a small wedding with 30 guests. There are different terms for these individuals. Americans frequently use the word "friend," and some people use a term such as "acquaintances."

Then there is a third grouping. These people do not socialize together frequently. They would not be insulted if they were not invited to big weddings. But the people are on a first-name basis and talk with each other when they are at the same social gatherings, such as political fund-raisers or receptions for a company's new vice president.

These people feel free to call each other on the phone when they need favors in the form of information or professional referrals. They trade favors, and ideally maintain a balance of benefits given and received so that they do not develop the reputations of being users and takers. A commonly used term to describe these people is that they are members of each other's network.

Problems can arise when one person feels that there is one type of relationship but another person disagrees. Americans, for example, frequently offer enthusiastic welcomes to visitors from other countries. They add phrases such as, "You must drop by our house some time." If the newcomers take this invitation literally, they can be extremely disappointed if they learn that the Americans were very casual with their remark and did not expect a visit.

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