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Mixed plate has
weird entrees

My head stay spinning, brah. I don't know if it's because I have so many things on my plate or because I'm still reeling over the allegedly "Reverend" Pat Robertson's call for the murder of the president of Venezuela.

The ironically labeled "Christian broadcaster" reached deep into his Old Testament bag to dredge up some of that "wrath of God" stuff and curiously direct it at an inconsequential Third World knucklehead. Gimme that old-time religion, where preachers counseled turning cheeks, not whacking someone a la Tony Soprano. I suspect a smile creeped across the lips of Osama bin Laden as he watched Robertson on the TV and said, "You go, boy!"

It is a mixed-plate day at "Honolulu Lite" with several semidigestible morsels to be served up. First, to answer many e-mails about what happened to my weekly column "AloHa! Friday," Pat Robertson killed it. Actually, we dropped it in favor of producing more "Honolulu Lite Extras," the steroid-engorged columns that usually involve me doing something embarrassing.

Item Two: The "Spend the Day With Corky at Sea Life Park but Don't Tell Him What's Going On" contest has been changed, partly because Star-Bulletin cartoonist Corky Trinidad figured out what was going on. To recap, I secretly took custody of four passes to Sea Life Park that Corky won at the recent Star-Bulletin/MidWeek golf tournament and then not-so-secretly offered them to readers. The plan was to have those who sent in the most compelling e-mails spend the day with Corky and me at Sea Life Park.

It turned out that the most compelling e-mail came from Judith Clark, executive director of Hawaii Youth Services Network. One of the programs in that network is a mentoring program for children of incarcerated parents. These kids face huge challenges in life due to no fault of their own. Volunteer mentors provide companionship and support for kids whose parents are in prison.

Clark said a statewide volunteer-recognition program will be held in October and that the Sea Life Park passes would be a nice reward to these mentors. Corky and I agree. And on behalf of Corky, whose passes I cockroached on the golf course (and who wasn't too thrilled about spending the day with me at Sea Life Park), I will be sending the passes to Clark so the mentors and their worthy charges can spend some quality time with the jumping porpoises. And I would encourage any other individuals or companies with passes to entertaining venues or events to consider donating them to the Hawaii Youth Services Network. Reach Judith Clark by e-mail at jclark@hysn.org.

Item Three: If you were hoping to buy the "Hawaiian Fire Department Jet Powered Fire Truck," which holds the world record of 407 mph for a firetruck, you're out of luck.

Shannen Seydel, owner of the truck, which was featured recently on national TV, told me by phone he sold the truck for mucho buckos just last week. He wouldn't give me the sale price, but said the machine would cost $1.4 million to build today, mainly because of its two British Hawker jet engines with afterburners.

Seydel, a Florida resident, said he named the firetruck after Hawaii because of his love of the islands. Why he decided to attach jet engines to a firetruck in the first place was a little hazy.

Item Four: Equally hazy is the idea behind an upcoming HBO documentary called "Downtown Girls: The Hookers of Honolulu." The documentary, to run on Saturday, follows four male transvestite prostitutes as they spread aloha and other things across our fair city. You can bet Hawaii tourism officials (or the semi-Rev. Pat Robertson) didn't sign off on this sleazy production.