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Honolulu Lite
Charles Memminger






No light seen at end
of tunnel repairs

It's hard to believe that Oahu drivers will be able to survive two decades of traffic hassles during the construction of a light-rail system when Windward residents are collapsing with the vapors over a mere two-month closing of the Wilson Tunnels for much-needed repairs.

"Much-needed repairs" is a term thrown around cavalierly, usually referring to "repairs to public facilities needed in a certain state legislator's district to assure his or her re-election." But trust me, as a frequent Wilson Tunnel user, repairs not only are "much needed" for the dark, wet, bumpy and claustrophobic lava rock orifices, but "much required."

Driving through the tunnels on a rainy day is like embarking on a crazy, careening amusement park ride without the federally required safety equipment and minimum height requirement.

As you enter, the world goes dark, your radio ceases transmissions and the walls, darkened by years of auto soot, seem to close in on you.

Throw in a couple of nice potholes and the fact that the maniac behind you his tailgating with his lights off and, well, you've got yourself one swell thrill ride.

The Wilson Tunnels were built during that time when not one more ounce of rock was excavated than absolutely needed to allow a moderately sized vehicle to get from one side of the mountain to the other. You have about an inch and a half of clearance between you and the wall, and pity the bicycle rider insane enough to try to share the space with you.

The new H-3 tunnels, named after some famous islander I've never heard of, are spacious and roomy by comparison and built in such a way that you never even consider the fact that there are 146 billion tons of solid mountain hovering over your head that could come crashing down during an earthquake.

(Earthquakes are big concerns for claustrophobics in regard to tunnels. I know a woman who drives completely around Makapuu to get to the Windward side rather than use the tunnels. I've tried to tell her that if you shut your eyes while driving through the tunnels, you won't suffer from claustrophobia. And the other drivers give you lots of room.)

SO THE REPAIR work has finally started on the Wilson Tunnels. One tunnel will be closed for a month, and then the other one will. And by the sound of the complaints, you'd think Windward residents are being forced into concentration camps for the duration.

I guess Windwardites would rather wait until slime mold and lichen muck hang off the tunnel ceilings like grotesque car-wash chamois and the roadway has more craters than a Baghdad runway.

I suspect part of the discontent is tied to disbelief that the project actually will be completed in two months. Too many people remember that little bridge in Wahiawa that was under construction for 12 years, or the fact that sewer installation/road destruction has been going on in Kailua for, well, forever.

Hawaii Kai residents were hostage to minor highway repairs that began when their kids were in preschool and finished upon their graduation from college. These kids spent their entire young lives rarely going more than 13 miles per hour.

All I can say is, if Oahu residents can't hack a little tunnel repair and roadwork, they'd better be ready to move to Las Vegas during the construction of any of the light-rail systems being discussed.

Ironically, by the time construction on the Leeward rail system begins, the spiffy clean Wilson Tunnels will be part of a "short cut" for Ewa residents commuting into Honolulu.


Charles Memminger, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2004 First Place Award winner for humor writing, appears Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com and cmemminger@hawaii.rr.com

See the Columnists section for some past articles.



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