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Polynesians may have
gone to California

Two scientists say they have proof that ancient Polynesians sailed to Southern California but deny it was an "Eddie Would Go" bumper sticker found on the side of a Chumash Indian tribe council hut.

Actually, I made up the bit about the "Eddie Would Go" bumper sticker. But the two scientists, Katherine Klar of the University of Southern California and Terry Jones of Cal Poly, say that they've found similar words used by the Chumash tribe in Southern California and Hawaiians. For instance, both ancient cultures referred to Caucasians as "freakin' haoles." Just kidding. They claim words relating to the making of canoes are similar in both languages, as well as the actual canoe construction. The theory counters conventional thinking that Polynesians landed first in Hawaii, then went straight to Las Vegas. (Did I mention I was kidding? Why do I feel I'm in big trouble? )

Now the news ...

Cabbage heads cut

SEOUL (AP) » The Korea Baseball Organization is prohibiting the wearing of cabbage leaves inside baseball caps. The decision came after Doosan bears pitcher Park Myung-hwan's cap fell off twice in a recent game revealing frozen cabbage leaves. He said he wears the leaves to keep his head cool. The league feels the cabbage leaves can be a distraction and disrupt play.

(You could say the pitcher is in deep kim chee. But you probably shouldn't.)

Zoo animals on menu

COPENHAGEN (AP) » New rules will keep zoo employees from killing and eating the animals in their care. Danish zookeepers have routinely slaughtered and feasted on muskrats and antelope, as well as rabbits, pigs and chickens from the petting zoo. Although eating zoo animals isn't against the law, anyone caught doing so now will face disciplinary action.

(Nothin' says lovin' like muskrat from the oven.)

One whale of a burger

TOKYO (AP) » A fast-food chain has begun offering whale burgers to the chagrin of anti-whaling nations.

Lucky Pierrot restaurants serves a burger made of deep-fried whale meat with lettuce and mayo for about $3.50.

(That's disgusting! An outrage! Who would ever consider putting mayo on a whale burger? But I hear the baby harp seal fries are delicious.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday

The state Board of Education (Drink Snapple!) is considering allowing advertising (Coke: The Real Thing!) on school campuses (iPod, Do You?) to raise money (KFC is A-O.K.!) for the school system. I think (Lex Brodie Says Thank You ... Very Much) it's a great (Just Do It!) idea. (The preceding message brought to you by Angry Citizens Against Obtrusive Advertising.)

Quote Me On This:
"If at first you do succeed, so much for skydiving." -- Henny Youngman