BRYANT FUKUTOMI / BFUKUTOMI@STARBULLETIN.COM

---

Getting a license
on Maui drives
you crazy

Getting a driver's license on Maui is a lot harder than it has to be. What people have to do to drive legally on this island borders on criminal.

You can spend $400 to $500 on a driver's education course; you can be the best driver in Hawaii and still not get a license. To schedule a road test, you must call the licensing office on the day you want to take it. You have to call between 7:47 a.m. (exactly) and about 8:35 a.m. to have a remote chance that your call will go through. If you are going to have the slightest chance to get a slot that day, it is recommended that you have at least four friends with your permit number calling for you at the same time. No, you may not call ahead for an appointment for a road test for that day or any other day.

If you are lucky, sometimes if you call on a Monday morning -- not forgetting that magic 7:47 to 8:35 time frame -- you might schedule a rare Saturday road test. Yes, that means you have to get up early and speed-dial for 45 minutes or until your phone batteries die, whichever comes first.

When you finally get through, you either schedule that elusive appointment or you learn they have run out of openings for that day. In that case, you can look forward, on your day off, to this same insanity. If you get an appointment, you practice your driving, make sure all documentation is in order, wash your car and vacuum it out. Yes, people in the past have not gotten their license on Maui because their car didn't meet the cleanliness standards of the examiner.

I won't subject you to all the gory details of the adventures our family has had to endure to have the opportunity to fail at getting that special document called a driver's license. We have had to go through this with three of our four children, great ugh! I shall, however, tell you about our first of many experiences.

The examiner got into our car with one of my children, the one who still doesn't have a license at the age of 22. (He gave up after his fourth attempt.) The examiner got into the car, reached over, touched the blinker and said, "Your blinker doesn't work -- you fail!"

These were his words as he walked away with a smile. I was right there. My son had not even turned on the car. When I got back in the car, a brand new Pontiac, I tried the blinker and it worked fine.

One of my children took his test six times, bless his heart. He finally had to go to a different area of the state to get a license.

Now our youngest has to go through the ritual of gaining a piece of paper that says you can drive down the road behind the wheel of an automobile. He is aware of the trials he must go through to gain this piece of paper, so he is determined to outsmart his siblings. He decided to pay $500 of his own money to go to driver's ed and pass the test the first time. Pretty smart, isn't he? He is a very good driver, not a speeder and is defensive on the road. He would be an asset to the driving population of Maui.

He was sure he would pass his test. He had washed the car and vacuumed it. He showered and dressed appropriately, in jeans and a plain T-shirt (no beer ads).

With a sense of well-being and the knowledge that he was prepared, my youngest and his dad made the long drive to the only location on the island of Maui where you can take the road test. He was secure in the knowledge that he was well prepared. He and his dad arrived and off he went with his executioner -- excuse me, I mean, examiner. He drove off knowing that at the end of this long journey, a photo opportunity and a piece of paper that says you can drive unescorted in Hawaii would await him. Life was good.

Alas, he got one thing wrong on this driving test. He went 23 mph in a 20 mph zone. On Maui we have the only four-lane road that has a 20 mph speed limit, go figure. I think the eight cars honking behind him might have added to my son's great speed. But he didn't blame anyone but himself. He said, "I did go over the marked speed limit. It was my own fault."

Something he said later disturbed me. He mentioned that as soon as he got in the car with the examiner, before he had even turned on the ignition, he felt she had already failed him. I hope that was not the case.

Using the frantic phoning method, we succeeded in making an appointment for him to take the road test again a week later. This time he wasn't as sure of the outcome, but he was in a positive state of mind. He arrived prepared and left with the examiner again. This time, he said, the examiner spent her whole time writing. One deduction was because she did not tell him to turn until he was on top of the corner. It is hard to signal if there is no warning. It might have been good if the examiner was paying attention instead of burying her face in her paper.

Another deduction came when the light turned green and he hesitated to go. Now, come on, we live on Maui, where you know better than to go as soon as the light turns green. You will get hit! I have taught my children to hesitate for self-preservation after the light turns green. Just the other day we were at a light that turned green, and three SUVs ran the red light. We would be dead if we had followed the rules of this examiner.

My son lost five points because his hands were not positioned correctly as he turned on to Kamehameha. He lost nine points because when he parked, his wheels were not turned the way the examiner thought they should be. None of the demerits were for a black-and-white driving offense; they appeared to be based on the whim of the examiner.

He says he really doesn't want to go through the test again. He feels he will never pass it; he has nightmares about it. This was a positive, strong individual until these people came into his life.

I believe there are more unlicensed drivers on Maui than on any other of the Hawaiian islands. These folks have given up taking the road test, time after time after time, only to fail. I do not condone the practice of driving without a license, but I do understand the frustration connected with multiple failures.

I have watched what these examiners' actions have done to good, strong, honest people. These examiners hold lives and self-esteem in their hands. The county makes a lot of revenue from desperate drivers who have tried numerous times to obtain a license and have just plain given up and driven anyway. Not to mention the fees you pay the Department of Motor Vehicles every time you take the road test.

Maybe I am wrong, but it appears that maybe the examiners have quotas on how many drivers to fail, and your ability to drive has nothing to do with getting a license on Maui.