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‘Ray’ writers share
tales of laughter

In a remarkable two-plus hours Saturday night, the writers behind the hit comedy "Everybody Loves Raymond" demonstrated how they took the differences between men and women, wives and husbands, children and their maddening parents -- and turned it all into "America's Favorite Comedy."

They regaled a sold-out audience at the Blaisdell Concert Hall with their anecdotes, sometimes brutal, risqué banter and behind-the-scenes bloopers.

The bottom line? Nothing that happened at home was sacred. And when story lines stretched thin, creator/executive producer Phil Rosenthal blatantly asked his creative team, "Is anyone fighting with their wives?"

The answer was usually a resounding yes, although often it involved simple misunderstandings.

Rosenthal calls the collaboration of the mostly Jewish writers and series star Ray Romano "bridging the divide between the Jewish and the Italian."

"I have the Jewish version of situations, and Ray has the Italian version," Rosenthal said. "The bottom line is all problems are solved with food ... and that parents are crazy."

The stage show, which repeated last night, was among the best-ever comedies presented in Honolulu for its originality and spontaneity. It was especially remarkable because none of these writers -- self-proclaimed hams and many former stand-up comedians -- hogged the spotlight.

The very approachable average-guy Romano kicked off the evening with men's eternal question: "What do women want?"

"True story," Romano says. "I'm in bed with my wife the other night, and she's sleeping so I'm reading a book. She rolls over and asks what I'm doing, and I'm laying there holding a book. 'Uh, I'm reading.' "

She says she "wanted to talk."

"But you're sleeping," he says. "And she just stares at me."

So what woman want, Romano concludes, is for men to focus on them "every minute of the day. And when they're sleeping we should sketch them!"

Others on the creative team gleefully revealed their own family issues that became story lines. Then parts of those episodes were shown on a large screen. The home issues and dialogue were pretty much translated verbatim into the show.

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CBS Ray Romano starred in "Everybody Loves Raymond" until the show signed off last month after more than nine years.

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Another of Romano's stories involved a gift from Rosenthal of a golfing excursion to Pebble Beach for two. The comedian called his friend, actor Kevin James ("King of Queens"), to accompany him. Romano's real-life wife was disappointed he didn't ask her. Romano gave a series of lame excuses, unable to 'fess up that he wanted a golf trip with a buddy and not a romantic getaway with his wife.

That scenario was used on "Raymond," in a show where his sportswriter character goes to the Super Bowl, and his family is upset because he's taking a male buddy instead of one of them.

Even his trip to Hawaii had to be toned down so Romano's wife didn't think it was just fun and games. "I told her, 'Yeah, the hotel has a dolphin, but, ya know, it's got a broken fin and its blowhole is off to the side."

Writer Tom Caltabiano, the only unmarried writer on "Raymond," explained that when he planned to bring a very young woman to a staff function, Rosenthal tried to talk him out of it because it would cause problems with the other, "more mature" wives.

Writer Tucker Cawley's wife later asked her husband, "I wonder what they talk about?" His response: "Maybe they don't have to talk." Wrong answer!

But the issue was later depicted in an episode in which Robert Barone (Brad Garrett) -- Romano's onstage brother -- was dating a much younger woman and creating issues for Romano and his on-screen wife, played by Patricia Heaton.

The forum was more family get-together than performance, with an audience of diverse ages embracing the group, laughing with rather than at them.

Some trivia revealed by Romano: He'd been fired from the cast of the sitcom "News Radio" just before it went on air; he never liked the name "Everybody Loves Raymond"; and he's awful doing accents, including Italian, made painfully clear by his teasing writing partners.

The group's spontaneity, teasing and intimate understanding of each other's quirks and talents showed how "Raymond" flowed so seamlessly and naturally for so long.

Perhaps that's also because Rosenthal insisted that most worknights, the writers needed to be home with their families. "If (we) were going to write about life," he said, "then you should have one."