Sarcasm is sooooo
easy to understand

According to a recent news report (like you can believe a "news report"), scientists from Haifa University in Israel found the front of the brain was the key to understanding sarcasm. Where did they think it would be, the back of the foot? It's not like the front of the brain, where the FRONTAL LOBE is located, would be where the higher brain functions like understanding sarcasm would be found. Duh.

Wait. This column is becoming way too sarcastic. And because some readers might not have a highly developed frontal lobe, all this sarcasm about a scientific investigation into understanding sarcasm might be going over their heads, or at least their brain stems.

I've always had a professional interest in sarcasm, because it's usually the type of writing that gets me into trouble. It is a tricky tool of writing, not as subtle as irony, but much more snotty. It's the opposite of hyperbole, which is simply an extravagant exaggeration. Politicians use hyperbole to make themselves look grand ("This new park, which I was individually responsible for developing, will bring people together and launch a new era in the history of human beings learning to get along"), while writers use sarcasm ("If we could only accomplish half, no, a mere iota, of what this great man has done, we could all die in a state of complete happiness and fulfillment") to show what pompous gasbags politicians truly are. The trouble with using sarcasm is that if people don't get it and take what you are saying literally, they'll think you're an idiot or, worse, the press aide for a politician.

ISRAELI RESEARCHERS studied participants by playing tape-recorded stories like: "Joe came to work, and instead of beginning to work, he sat down to rest. His boss noticed and said to Joe, 'Don't work too hard.'"

Most respondents recognized the boss's comment as being sarcastic. Some thought the boss was simply confused and didn't realize that the employee actually wasn't working. And some said, "IF THE BOSS DOESN'T GET OFF MY FREAKIN' BACK, I'M GOING TO PUT A FREAKIN' BULLET IN HIS HEAD!"

The lesson here is that sarcasm should never be used in the vicinity of someone who has access to firearms.

Actually, what the researchers found was that people with frontal brain damage don't understand sarcasm. So the lesson is not to joke around with people who have repeatedly hit themselves in the head with a hammer. And have access to firearms.

Writers don't have the luxury of knowing whether readers are armed with hammers or firearms, so we take our lives into our hands (hyperbole) when we become sarcastic. The only death threat I ever received as a writer (irony), as reported here many times (overkill), is when I wrote a snotty column about mo-peds. It was early in my career, and I was sarcastic when I should have been merely facetious, a sort of jocular form of sarcasm-lite that generally leaves the victim simply confused.

I doubt that even the Israeli researchers could identify the part of the brain that recognizes facetiousness, because it is much more wily than sarcasm and twice as hard to spell. I was once facetious by accident, and an acquaintance didn't talk to me for a year. True story (fabrication).

The thing is, now that we know where sarcasm lurks in the brain, I'm sure it won't be long before researchers can discover what parts of the brain are responsible for recognizing such social behaviors as toadyism, rank indifference, silent disdain, reluctant support, semitransparent antipathy, enthusiastic disregard, mean-spirited insouciance and apathetic adoration. Yeah. As if.