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Getting ahead in the
human skull business

So a 56-year-old California man was busted for taking an ancient Hawaiian skull from a beach on Maui and trying to sell it on eBay. Doesn't anyone hunt for puka shells anymore?

Jerry David Hasson (Note: When people start referring to you by three names, it's time to get a lawyer) actually found a whole 200-year-old Hawaiian skeleton near Kaanapali Beach in 1969 but only took the head because, you know, it's hard to get a whole bag of bones into the airplane's overhead bin.

He decided to sell the skull on the Internet and included lots of cool information that led angry Hawaiians and federal investigators right to his door. What a dummy. Now he's pleaded guilty to, I guess, federal stupidity charges and agreed to pay a fine, do community service and publish apologies in Hawaii newspapers.

The thing is, why did this numbskull think he could put a human skull up for sale on the most heavily trafficked Web site in the world and not get caught?

Probably because a lot of people do it.

I searched for "skulls" on eBay and came up with 15,026 hits. Granted, most of these were fake skulls. There was a Gothic skull ashtray that was going for only $11.95, the perfect gift for that mother-in-law who has everything. There was a real desert mule deer skull that someone had thoughtfully turned into a clock. Then there was the usual assortment of skull gear shift knobs, candles and clear glass skulls, sort of a Weird Aunt Martha Starter Kit.

BUT WHEN YOU type in "human skulls" in the eBay search engine, you come up with 137 hits. These are real honest-to-goodness skulls that used to be attached to human beings, and there's very little information about where they come from.

One outfit has four human skulls for sale (average bids are about $220), and the seller only says that they came from Asia. But how do we know if they came from Asia instead of, say, his back yard?

The seller says the skulls are for "medical study" only, which I guess absolves him of any legal problems should someone use them in conjunction with ritual human sacrifice or bowling. A selling point for one of the skulls is that it has its "original jaw." See? Bet you didn't know that people are passing off human skulls with jaws that don't belong to them.

Apparently, though, people in the market for a skull are picky about the kind of noggin they get. Here's an actual if overly enthusiastic description of a real human skull on sale on eBay right now: "This is a nice specimen. Adult. Natural bone. Originates from Asia. 100+ years old. Not 100% sure if male or female, I suspect male though!"

Whoopie! Quite the archeologist, this guy.

He goes on to say: "No heavy damage. No cuts or drill holes. One of the eye sockets has a 1 cm hole toward the nasal area. However this doesn't detract from its overall beauty."

Doesn't it, though? I mean, I'm not going to buy a head bone that could very well have a gunshot wound to the nasal area.

There are two days left on this "nice specimen," and the bidding is only up to $188.

A better buy seems to be "a spectacular German skull" for $57, which we are told is dated and signed. Since I doubt the deceased signed his own head, this information brings up some fascinating forensic possibilities. Once I figure out why anyone would want a human skull -- Hawaiian, Asian, German or otherwise -- hanging around the house, I'll look into it.