FL MORRIS / FMORRIS@STARBULLETIN.COM Jennifer Metrose hosts Moms Club meetings at her home in Royal Kunia. Daughter Casey, right, plays with Maile Betz, daughter of club member Jennifer Betz.

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The house is neatly kept, the snacks are out -- brie and crackers for adults, Goldfish crackers and fruit for the kids -- and the children are asleep. For the next little while, at least, Jennifer Metrose is free to talk in her Royal Kunia home while her two children, Casey, 5, and Kurt, 3, take an afternoon nap. It's a tranquil, domestic setting.

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You might know someone like Metrose, someone who begins her day at dawn, goes to bed at midnight, takes care of the kids and the house in between -- and is yet able to entertain guests on a moment's notice. Metrose does have some time to herself -- a half-hour in the morning and a half-hour at night on her exercise equipment. Some might call her Super Mom.

But Metrose would not. She and her friend Jennifer Betz are glad to dispel the saintly notion of motherhood. They talk willingly and openly about both negative and positive sides of being stay-at-home moms.

"I never thought about how much energy it took to be a mother, how much responsibility there is. But if you don't do it, nobody else will," said Metrose. "What is so special is how much your kids love you. ... They never hold grudges. Their love is unconditional."

She never thought she would be a stay-at-home mom. "I remember wanting to work forever," she said.

But life doesn't always go according to plan.

For now, Metrose has traded her career for a job with no nights or weekends off. She has channeled some of her additional energy into the Moms Club of Waipahu/Aiea, a "support group" for stay-at-home moms.

"We're here when you need it," she wants to tell potential members of the group, which is affiliated with the International Moms Club.

"I have a degree in engineering. I'm used to helping out financially, but the job offers were not exactly rolling in, so I decided to take a break. I saw (in the club) that these were educated, bright women choosing to stay at home. There are physicians, teachers, real estate and sales people. These are intelligent people who know what is going in the world."

FL MORRIS / FMORRIS@STARBULLETIN.COM Stay-at-home mothers Jennifer Betz, left, and Jennifer Metrose say Moms Club offers support to women who do not have extended family nearby.

Moms Club has six chapters and more than 300 members on Oahu. Metrose joined for support after seeing the group on an outing at Pearlridge Center in 2002. Looking for new friends after moving from California with her husband, Ted, she decided to join. Now she is president of her chapter.

Her right-hand person, Betz, local administrative vice president, was in a similar situation. Originally from the Big Island, Betz also lacked the support of immediate family on Oahu. She said that's typical for the 43 members of her chapter: About 90 percent are without family on Oahu.

Most meetings take place in the morning, while the kids are still fresh, but afternoon outings are offered twice a month. In fact, there is an activity for every day of the workweek.

"For the first year, I stayed home with my son Braden," said Betz. "Then I thought, 'I've got to get out of the house before I go crazy.' I knew I had to get out and meet other people with kids. It's one of the greatest things I ever did."

Braden is now 5, and his sister, Maile, is 2.

The organization is part social club, part baby-sitting club. In addition to a nonmandatory monthly meeting, members can pick and choose events that appeal. "Expect a whole, full calendar," said Betz.

While children are welcome, meetings are really for mothers to be with other adults who share their concerns. The only event to which children are not allowed is the monthly mothers-night-out dinner.

The Moms Club on Oahu used to be one big organization before it "sistered off." But as Betz and Metrose say, children behave better in smaller groups.

"It's nice when you split, because you can do more neighborhood activities. If you have 10 moms together and they each have kids, that's (still) a lot of people," said Metrose. "It used to get pretty wild. Children are more emotional than logical."

The Waipahu/Aiea organization also includes 12 special-interest groups, including book and cooking groups. Community-service groups include Adopt-a-Family, a program that partners with the Salvation Army, and the Mother-to-Mother Fund, which sets aside club money for mothers in need.

FL MORRIS / FMORRIS@STARBULLETIN.COM Jennifer Betz joins her son Braden, second from left, and Kurt Metrose for tractor play while daughter Maile swings.

In the Sweet and Sour discussion group, women talk about topics such as sibling rivalry, discipline problems, time management, mothers-in-law or differences in parenting styles among couples.

They've also talked about going back to work, an idea Metrose is considering for when her children are older.

For Betz it's an idea she's discarded for now. "(My husband and I) were back and forth about me going back to work part time," she said of her husband, Mike. "We figured out with the expense of a baby sitter, it would be about the same as staying at home."

Besides, she said, "They're only young once, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Metrose said that while some in the group might consider going back to work, others are vehemently against it. "But we're not here to judge. We're sharing frustrations (such as) keeping husbands happy, finding 'me' time. There are no solutions. We're all going through this -- keeping your husband fed, your children clean. When you work, there's a different kind of appreciation. There are raises, promotions."

At home, she said, acknowledgment "is kind of swept under the rug."

Most of the members' children are in the 2- to 3-year-old range. As the children get older, or as parents return to school or work, there is an "aging out" of members, or "empty nesting," as Betz calls it. She and Metrose would love to see a branch for moms with older children.

"But people get busy with other things," Metrose said.

In becoming a parent, "I've learned to become more patient," she said. "I try to be a better person. I know that they mimic me, so that makes me want to become a better person. I want to raise decent people."

For her part, Betz marvels at the nature of young children. "They are people-pleasers. They just want to please you. Even if I yell at (them), they still want you to give them a bath at the end of the day. They are unpredictable and moody. (But they) are the most forgiving. (And you) just try to be calm."