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A captivating,
or captive talk

I was lucky enough to be invited to a major festival of reading and writing last weekend at the UH-Manoa campus, where I shared the secrets of writing a humor column with several people who accidentally stumbled into my room. I was so quick at the door that I managed to shut in six or seven of the unfortunate buggers who likely would rather have been at Nora Okja Keller's session. I know I would have rather been there.

Nora became a nationally famous novelist despite having to share a Star-Bulletin cubicle with me and entertainment writer Tim Ryan for years. I felt sorry for Nora having to clerk in such close quarters with us. Once her book, "Comfort Woman" became a huge success I began replacing feeling sorry for Nora with large doses of extreme jealousy. There she was, sneaking around behind our backs writing a wildly successful novel while Tim and I played "bumper chairs" and shot Nerf basketball from our desks.

Anyway, Nora apparently had thousands of people at her sessions, while I practically had to hold my captives at gunpoint. During the lunch break, Nora and I shared jolly tales of the old days before she became famous and I discovered I was seasoning my pizza with bitter tears. I'm kidding. I'm proud of Nora's success and feel I had just a little something to do with it. If her life in our cubicle had been a positive, life-affirming experience, she never would have sought to escape through writing a novel.

I was so busy guarding the door at my sessions I forgot to visit the office of UH President David McClain and meet with the students who had been occupying his digs in protest of a proposed Navy research project on campus.

It's not that I agreed with their cause, I just like the way they protest. They apparently not only were well-behaved but they cleaned up his office, even vacuuming the carpets. We've come a long way since the "Four Dead in Ohio" protests.

I hoped to convince the protesters that they had good reason to launch a sit-in at my house. My carpets could certainly use a bit of cleaning. If I agitated them enough, I hoped they might even do the windows.