Digital Slob
Curt Brandao

20Q.net can pry secrets
out of your brain

Knowing what's in a Digital Slob's head at any given moment is anybody's guess.

For example, significant others might think our distant, dinner-table frowns signal a relationship Alert Level Red. But odds are we're just upset that Domino's Pizza hasn't developed a crust that our incisors can penetrate after a week in the fridge.

But not all games of 20 Questions need be so wrought with danger, thanks to the Web-based version at 20Q.net. Click responses to a series of yes/no inquiries (with some assorted "maybes" thrown in), and watch as html code decodes your brain.

Below are the thought-provoking questions it asked me, followed by my answers in parenthesis. The mystery subject I picked was "stomach," since it was what my keyboard was sitting on at the time.

Question 1: Is it an animal, mineral or vegetable? Kind of a cornucopia of all of the above. (Unknown)

Q2: Is it heavier than a pound of butter? Due largely to many pounds of butter. (Yes)

Q3: Is it dangerous? Like all of nature's slumbering giants, it must be approached with caution and respect. (Sometimes)

Q4: Is it bigger than a breadbox? Somewhere between a breadbox and a bread factory. (Yes)

Q5: Can you see it in a zoo? Just once, after a few beers, I thought taking off my shirt would give me an in with the gorillas. (Rarely)

Q6: Is it something you can purchase? Everything has its price, but I doubt there's a seller's market. (No)

Q7: Does it have claws? Not in real life, but this reminds me of a nightmare my wife had last week. (No)

Q8: Can it climb? Actually, it acts more as an impediment to all forms of ascent. (No)

Q9: Can you eat it? That would be a grisly form of irony. (No)

Q10: Does it have four legs? Again, I refer you to my wife's nightmare. (No)

Q11: Is it a carnivore? Against doctor's orders. (Yes)

Q12: Can you play with it? I've been known to rhythmically slap it with cupped hands, pretending I'm leading the Eighth Regiment Pot-Bellied Fife & Drums into Vicksburg. (Sometimes)

Q13: Can someone hold it? Does a hug encompassing three-quarters of its circumference count? (Sometimes)

Q14: Does it help accomplish tasks? When it comes to converting complex carbohydrates into fat, it's practically a machine. (Yes)

Q15: Can you control it? All Tums and Rolaids can really hope to do is contain it. (Sometimes)

Q16: Does it live in groups? Let's just say everyone in my family could recognize each other even if we had bags over our heads. (Yes)

Q17: Is it used in a sport? Sumo wrestling, MTV Spring Break Cannonball Pool Diving Contests. (Yes)

Q18: Does it bring joy to people? Restaurant owners near my office treat it the way 12-year-old girls treat Justin Timberlake. (Yes)

Q19: Is it liver? Getting warm -- farther right, minus the bile. (Close)

Q20: Is it stomach? Bingo.

20Q.net also sells a handheld device -- sort of a Magic 8-ball in reverse. For Slob couples, it might be a useful tool the next time pizza-crust misunderstandings threaten your domestic tranquility.

See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Also see www.digitalslob.com

Curt Brandao is the Star-Bulletin's production editor. Reach him at: cbrandao@starbulletin.com

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