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Chips Ahoy! Aloha Tower
a money maker

'Life imitates Lite" is becoming a regular feature of this space. City Council Chairman Donovan Dela Cruz wants to raise city funds by allowing companies or organizations to attach their names to city parks, facilities and other property for a fee.

For years I've been urging that in Honolulu Lite with tongue only slightly planted in cheek. For instance, I envisioned the Preparation H-3 Freeway and the Preparation H-Power electricity plant. The intentionally rusting sports arena in Aiea could become the Aloha Rustoleum Stadium under such a sponsorship plan.

You'd have to be careful that sponsorship doesn't lead to some embarrassing insinuations. If a kiddie company sponsored City Hall, it could become Toys 'R Us Honolulu Hale (where silly ideas rule!) and the building where many a back-room deal is made might become Victoria's Secret Capitol.

Now the news ...

Art is udder nonsense

SANTIAGO, Chile (Ananova) » A cow kidnapped on its way to slaughter by a group of artists now is living on top of a 10-story building.

The cow was lifted by crane to the 1,500 square foot rooftop, which has been remodeled as a farm. It will be cared for and milked daily until it is released on a nature reserve.

(Interviewed by a local newspaper, the cow said, "Don't get me wrong, I love the view, but the fiddler is driving me crazy.")

Monkeys get potted

ORISSA, India (AP) » A group of monkeys descended on a village, quaffed down pots of an intoxicating brew lying in the open and then set upon the villagers, injuring three.

Irate villagers drove the inebriated monkeys away with sticks.

The intoxicated drink, "pana" had been prepared with marijuana leaves as part of an offering to Hindu gods.

(The monkeys then raided a 7-Eleven and made off with armloads of potato chips and Slim Jims.)

These docs not quacks

STOCKHOLM (AP) » A rubber duck sat in a dog's stomach for five years before being removed by Swedish vets. The owner of Apollo, a Boxer, assumed the toy had been dissolved in his stomach over the years since it didn't pass through. But doctors found and removed the duck when the dog became sick recently.

(Doctors said the owner should have known something was wrong when Apollo quacked instead of barked.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday

The woman who found a severed finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili has returned to the restaurant because, according to wags, "she wants to find four more." But the "man bite's dog" headline of this story is that the woman says she won't sue the fast-food franchise. In Sunday's Honolulu Lite we'll put our finger on more amazing aspects of the story.

Quote Me On This

"Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." -- Russell Baker