Softer interaction style
is preferred in Hawaii

People in Hawaii certainly know about money, but they have been burned too many times by individuals who disappear after cutting business deals. These businesspeople forget that an important part of good interpersonal relationships is long-term and cooperative follow-up on agreements reached.

Another aspect of good interpersonal relationships is the development of a soft style for interpersonal interactions. Such a style includes a mild tone of voice, a willingness to listen respectively to the views of others, and a willingness to be indirect when making suggestions.

An example of a direct comment is, "We should add more radio advertisements to our marketing campaign." A softer, more indirect statement would be, "I wonder if we should consider adding more radio spots? What do you think?"

The very direct statement aimed at another person, "You are absolutely wrong on this issue!" should be replaced. A softer alternative is, "I believe that there is another position on this issue that should be examined."

There is an interesting exception in Hawaii. Activists who advocate various political causes often shout at each other and pay little attention to the positions of those who disagree. I believe they would be more effective in they used a gentler tone of voice and engaged in more thoughtful listening.

I am quick to admit that a soft style is not effective everywhere. On the mainland, people often have to be much more vocal and direct or their views will be ignored during fast-moving meetings where everyone is trying to be heard.

People from Hawaii seeking jobs on the mainland are wise to talk to colleagues and friends who have lived elsewhere. Locals with ambitions for mainland jobs will find that practice sessions where they speak in a louder, more direct, and sometimes confrontational manner are valuable.

One person with whom I have worked closely recently interviewed for jobs on the mainland as well as in New Zealand and Australia. He told me that the exchanges of questions and answers were much more intense and pointed than those to which he had become accustomed during his eight years in Hawaii.

Likewise, people from the mainland are wise to practice a gentle and indirect style. Given the local preference for softer interactions, people from Hawaii are often uncomfortable with mainlanders who are quick to disagree and who are familiar with direct confrontation. Locals often have very thin skins since they have not frequently participated in the very direct give and take that is common in mainland conversations.

When I give talks to mainland businesspeople looking at opportunities in Hawaii, I often cover this point. I ask the mainlanders to think of people with whom they went to high school or college.

I continue, "Think of people who were extremely thin-skinned. You could not disagree about anything because they would take it personally. You could not criticize anything going on in your community because they would somehow feel that you are making negative references about them. What did you do to get along with these people? If you have such people in mind, treat everyone in Hawaii as if they were these people from your high school or college days."