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Peer-to-peer pressure
hits high court

Usually, Digital Slobs pay no attention to the Supreme Court. If it comes up in casual conversation, we typically zone out into stream-of-consciousness daydreams until we're sharing Taco Supremes and a Supreme Pizza from Pizza Hut with Diana Ross and The Supremes.

But not this month.

Come March 29, anyone who shares files on the Net will wish they had a front-row seat at the court, even if Wi-Fi access in the exalted chamber is said to be spotty, at best.

On that date, the justices will hear the potentially precedent-setting case of MGM v. Grokster (not to be confused with Mothra v. Godzilla -- a relatively mundane overseas land dispute about which U.S. courts have no jurisdiction).

The entertainment industry will argue that the makers of file-sharing programs are liable when people use their software to steal whatever their sticky-fingered broadband connections can grab, known in legal circles as "intellectual property." It's a broad term covering everything from Gwen Stefani's latest CD to my angst-filled teen journal that I'm currently adapting into interpretive dance.

Content distributors consider their struggle against online piracy to be a global game of Clue -- only they're not just pointing the finger at Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a candlestick, but also at the kitchen and also at the candlestick.

P2P developers will counter, however, that you can't blame them if some fraction of their customers (for now, we'll call it "virtually everyone") uses legitimate tools for illegitimate purposes.

After all, let's say I taped the latest episode of "24" on my VCR, and I gave it to someone who missed said episode. And though no money changed hands, let just say, for the sake of argument, that a fun-sized Snickers found its way from his cubicle to mine within, say, five minutes of said exchange -- again, let me reiterate, this "theoretical" exchange.

If the Fox Network found out, I'd have to turn states evidence on the Candy Man since I'm too pretty for prison, but case law says my VCR's manufacturer would be in the clear.

Grokster's creators seek this same protection. To borrow from the National Rifle Association: "P2Ps don't squelch the rights of copyright holders to aspire to monetary incentives in the creation of intellectual works for the betterment of society -- people do."

Experts say the case is too close call, unless a majority of the justices enter the chamber with iShuffles dangling off their robes.

Yet no matter how they rule, odds are this debate will make history, and not just because it might be the first time "Britney Spears" and "intellectual" are used in the same sentence.

If the high court declaws P2Ps, it could lead to hard-wired restrictions in many other places as well.

Imagine TiVos that don't record off premium channels.

Imagine microwaves that refuse to cook shoplifted frozen dinners.

Imagine Chris Rock actually getting a nickel every time we repeated one of his jokes as if it was our own.

But if the court rules the other way, P2Ps would be free to release their ultimate upgrade -- a network that not only allows the unbridled exchange of movies and music, but fun-sized Snickers as well.