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Bad sign for Koko,
great for Hawaiians

I hate to beat a dead gorilla or even live one, but it comes as good news that the deal to provide 70 acres on Maui to Koko the "talking" gorilla and his buddies is going down the tubes. It seems possible that our continual carping against giving Koko a lush home on some of the most expensive real estate on the planet while Native Hawaiians wait generations for their promised little chunk of Hawaiian Homelands property has helped gum up the Koko deal.

Maui Land & Pineapple Co. chief executive David Cole has advised the Gorilla Foundation that an ape habitat doesn't mesh with the company's new focus on Native Hawaiian issues. Maui Pine leased the 70 acres to the gorilla group more than 10 years ago.

Gorillas are great. But simply because one ape has learned sign language doesn't entitle it to precious resources being denied human beings. Hopefully, Maui Pine will find a way to put Hawaiians, not gorillas, on the aina.

Now the news ...

A slow day at Customs

LONDON (BBC) » A woman who entered the United Kingdom with 200 pounds of dead snails in her luggage has been fined $400.

Nigerian Surat Anibaba, 42, was caught during a customs check at Heathrow Airport and charged with illegally importing foodstuffs.

(Authorities became suspicious when they found a water buffalo in her carry-on bag.)

Curses, foiled again

CARLISLE CITY, U.K. (BBC) » A granite artwork blamed for bringing misfortunes of "biblical proportions" to a city has been saved.

Carlisle City Council rejected a proposal to destroy a so-called "Cursing Stone." The 14-ton stone was commissioned to mark the millennium but since its installation, the city has been hit with floods, diseases, job loss and a goal famine for the football team.

(Why a city would commission artwork containing a 1,069-word curse by a 16th century archbishop remains a mystery.)

What's in a name? $$$

NEW YORK (Bloomberg) » An anonymous bidder paid $650,000 for the right to name a newly discovered species of monkey with the proceeds going to the Bolivian park where the primate was discovered.

Auctioneer Kelly Fiore of Charity Folks Inc., said the winner outbid talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, who had called on her audience to contribute to a pool to win the naming rights.

(Bidding was highly competitive until it went over the $1.92 DeGeneres managed to raise.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday

Australian surfers set a world record last week when more than 40 of them rode a wave on a 40-foot-long surfboard. The record deserves to belong in Hawaii, the birthplace of surfing and silly surfing stunts.

Quote Me On This (Department of Edjumakation)

"'Whom are you?' he said, for he had been to night school." -- George Ade

"My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers." -- Woody Allen