Kalani Simpson

Canseco is zany,
but believable

I believe Jose Canseco. OK, maybe not quite every word.

But I believe him more than I believe, say, his old manager, Tony La Russa, who defended Jose against steroids rumors back in the old days (and now says he knew Jose was dirty). But now La Russa is telling us the truth when he says that Jose is lying because Mark McGwire was always clean (when, eh, we get eyes, you know).

Sure, Jose Canseco may be a liar, but he's the only one who's telling a story I can believe.

Yes, he may have been kind of a knucklehead, and he might have looked a little shady on "60 Minutes." And he's a known traffic menace and an admitted drug user and -- yes -- the ball bounced off his head for a home run, and he was once seen leaving Madonna's apartment very late at night.

(Yes, anytime anyone points out that McGwire -- and not only in appearance but in performance and timing and injury history -- is the dictionary picture definition of a steroids user, the comeback is that Canseco once let a ball bounce off his head. OK, well that changes everything.)

And yet he's the only one I trust here.

You can brush him aside because of who he is. You can say anything you want to denigrate Canseco's character, and you'd probably be right.

But in this dirty, dirty, dirty mess he's the only one who's had the decency to come at least a little clean.

He's the only one whose story isn't conflicted by what we've seen with our own eyes.

» KKEA radio's Scott Robbs came up with a great gimmick this week, asking his listeners to come up with the lead actors and titles if movies were ever made about Hawaii coaches. It kept me tuned in. It was a fun idea.

Of course, we at the Star-Bulletin know what a great idea it is because it was our own Cindy Luis who first came up with it, back in 1999. She wrote that UH's dream comeback season was worthy of a movie script. She cast Tom Selleck as June Jones and Rodney Dangerfield as Fred vonAppen. Absolutely brilliant. Cindy had Pat Morita as Hugh Yoshida. "Les Nessman" as Ken Mortimer.

OK, I'll play.

Michael Clarke Duncan as Riley Wallace in "Savo: The Musical."

James Caan (he needs lifts in his shoes, but work with me) as June Jones in "Good for the Whole State."

I have a feeling the movie me would be Jon Lovitz.

» When UH's Julian Sensley lay on the ground writhing in pain after returning to Earth from a knockout dunk Wednesday night, it generated a round of discussion on just how he had hurt himself.

Then came the comment that we were all unqualified to speak as experts on the subject because none of us had ever been up that high.


But I have come down that hard.

» Wisconsin-Milwaukee's students rushed the floor after its last game. The Panthers are ready for whatever the Stan Sheriff Center throws at them. These guys look like a great opponent.

They just wrapped up the Horizon League championship and refused to take down the nets.

This Bracket Buster would be a great win, if the Rainbows can pull it off. And then comes UTEP on Monday night.

If these guys can put it together, there's still plenty of time.

» I know all coaches have egos and successful people don't always all get along, but, What? Norm Chow drank all the coffee in the USC coaches' office and never fill 'em up? If you are Pete Carroll and you've won two straight national championships with this guy how can you let him go?

But I guess UH is also on the list of schools that have passed on Chow.

Is this the highest level of coaching ever achieved by a guy from Hawaii?

Good luck, Coach. Watch out for those pros. That's a tough business.

» George Lee's soccer photo in yesterday's paper is one of the best sports shots I've seen in a newspaper in a long time.

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Kalani Simpson can be reached at ksimpson@starbulletin.com

E-mail to Sports Desk


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