Alo-Ha! Friday
Charles Memminger

What building
is the ugliest?

A reader writes that with the "walling off" of Ala Moana Boulevard, it's hard to tell which building is the ugliest. Which raises the question, Which is the ugliest building in Honolulu?

Here's your chance to win fame, fortune and the antipathy of architects everywhere by submitting your choice for the "Honolulu Lite Ugliest Building In Honolulu Contest." Actually, we can't promise fame or fortune, but it still will be fun to tick off the architects.

Submit your nominations by e-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com. Nasty and/or colorful comments about the buildings are not necessary, but could enhance your chance of winning.

And now the news ...

Man skirts race rules

HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) » A prize-winning track athlete who competed in women's events will face criminal charges because the athlete actually is a man.

Samukaliso Sithole faces charges of offending the dignity and sexuality of women who befriended him, according to prosecutors.

He competed in a variety of track events, bringing home Zimbabwe's only gold medal from the Southern Region Athletics Championship.

(It wasn't until he was seen jumping the hurdles that authorities realized something was up.)

Zoo gets hot chicks

BREMEN, Germany (Ananova) » A German zoo has imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight.

Bremerhaven Zoo keepers said several of the penguins had been mating for years without producing any chicks. They discovered that the penguins were living in homosexual partnerships. In case the males don't show interest in the new females, the zoo also has flown in two new male penguins "so that the ladies don't miss out altogether," said zoo director Heike Kueck.

(Interviewed later, one of the penguins said, "I like girls as much as the next penguin, but how the hell to tell them apart?")

Tumor for the road

NAPLES, Fla. (AP) » A blow to the head with a beer bottle may have saved Sally Hampton's life. While doctors were examining her after a barroom attack, they discovered a brain tumor that could have killed her. The woman, 64, recovered and her assailant went to jail.

(And she snagged a lucrative contract for some new "Miller Lite -- It's A Hit!" commercials.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

Man bites dog. But maybe not for much longer. The Legislature is considering making the eating of dogs (and cats) a crime. And the City Council is considering raising the fines for dogs who bite people. It only seems fair.

Quote Me on This (Poor Sports Department):

"If at first you don't succeed -- so much for sky diving." -- Henny Youngman

"Football combines the worst features of American life: frantic violence punctuated by committee meetings." -- George Will

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing." -- Emo Philips

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

E-mail to Features Desk


© Honolulu Star-Bulletin -- https://archives.starbulletin.com