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UH professor joins
hair club for scientists

It is with some trepidation that I tell you that University of Hawaii professor of marine biology Robert Kinzie has been named a member of the Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists. I know. I know. There is just so much here that seems wrong. But it's true.

There actually is a Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists, established for (are you ready?) for "scientists who believe they have long luxuriant flowing hair." You can find it on the Internet at www.improbable.com/projects/hair/hair-club-top.html.

"I'm so excited," Professor Kinzie writes on the Web site regarding his induction. "My interests are in the evolution and ecology of aquatic organisms." As well as, presumably, hair that is "shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen or waxen" as the song from the "Hair," the musical, goes.

In the photo posted on the Web site, Kinzie looks, and I mean this in a good way, like a cross between Pee Wee Herman's arrest mug shot and the Zig Zag guy. Luxuriant to da max.

Now the news ...

Crazy bear now extinct

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) » After weeks of protest from advocates for the mentally ill, Vermont Teddy Bear Co. has agreed to stop producing and marketing a "Crazy for You" bear that comes with a straitjacket and commitment papers.

(Production of the "Frontal Lobotomy For You" Raccoon and "Electo-shock Therapy for You" Gerbil will continue.)

When wine isn't fine

LAKE JACKSON, Texas (AP) » A woman has been charged with negligent homicide for giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him.

Michael Warner, 58, died after the enema caused his blood-alcohol level to rise to .47 percent.

(No comment.)

Hospital out on a limb

CENTER MORICHES, N.Y. (AP) » Hospital officials apologized for accidentally placing the amputated leg of a deceased patient in a plastic bag with the personal belongings of another patient, and are investigating how the incident occurred. The leg was discovered in the belongings sent to a funeral home of a 77-year-old man who had died.

(The recipient's family may sue the hospital since they apparently have a legal severed leg to stand on.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday

The lighter side of being on a passenger ship swamped by a 55-foot wave on the high seas. A student passenger on board the "Semester at Sea" ship MV Explorer shares some funny perspectives on the recent near disaster with friends on the mainland. And a haiku!

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Quote Me On This (More of The Wright Stuff):

"How do they get that nonstick stuff to stick to the frying pan?"

"I bought some batteries. But they weren't included."

"When I die, I'm going to leave my body to science fiction." -- All by Steven Wright