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Shopping for a soul
mate, made simple

Looking for a man? Don't know what you want? Take a look in your closet. Check out your wardrobe: clothes, shoes and purses. The answers are right there. Shopping for a man is just like looking for clothes, and you are probably searching for very similar things.

Take me, for example. Turns out I'm an all-purpose kind of girl. I buy clothes and shoes that are right for just about any occasion. I have three pairs of shoes: white, beige and black, and three purses to match. All my outfits go with one of these shoe-purse combos.

Mostly I buy dresses. I choose ones that I can wear to work (I'm a high school teacher), out to lunch or shopping with the girls, or over a bathing suit at the beach and out to dinner that night when I am on vacation.

I choose these dresses in fabrics that can take the wear and tear of a single mom and don't show wrinkles. That way, I can shove them into my gym bag so I can work out, go to school and get dressed in the locker room before first period. I can pack them in my suitcase and be ready for action as soon as I hit our vacation destination. And I can spend quality time with my active 8-year-old without coming off like Miss Priss.

Consider this long-term boyfriend of mine before I got married. His name was Doug. Now, Doug is what I'd describe as a holiday kind of guy. The special-occasion man. We were having a long-distance relationship, so every time I saw him was on vacation. It was always exciting and romantic.

When we finally moved in together, it didn't work. It turned out that everyday, mundane life was not appealing to him. He was only happy when he was shining. He was the kind of guy that liked to be the star, the hero. He loved to swoop in and make everybody feel special, thus making himself feel special in return. He was great for holidays and vacations, even emergencies. But he couldn't handle the true intimacy of living a regular life together.

SO I MARRIED Richard. He wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't the right one. Richard is what you'd call an everyday, super-casual kind of dude. Just check out his wardrobe: shorts and T-shirts, that's it. He had a few Hawaiian shirts, but they were left over from high school and we were pushing 30.

He did not do fine dining, strictly barbecues. His idea of vacation was camping, and holidays were spent watching TV, no different from a typical evening at home. He balked at the idea of special nights out and thought that birthday and Valentine's Day presents were just another way for big business to rip us off, which is true, but it's nice to get a gift every once in a while.

That's only where the problems started. So I took my clothes and found a closet of my own. It's probably why I find myself in the role of single parent. I just wasn't a smart shopper when I was younger. I didn't know exactly what I wanted. Perhaps I was too swayed by a bargain or sale. I never looked in my closet.

Now I realize that what I should be looking for in a man is an all-purpose sort of guy to go with my versatile wardrobe. I need somebody who works hard, enjoys participating in family life, likes to take a vacation every once in a while and will dress up for the occasion, on occasion.

These days, I'm dating David. His closet is kind of like mine, and it seems that we enjoy the same things in life. It's too early to tell, and this time I'm taking it pretty slow. But I'm certainly clear about what I want.

If you look in your closet and find mostly party dresses and a lot of sparkly shoes, then maybe a guy like Doug will be just the right match for you. Or if a dress is ne'er to be seen, you could be a stay-at-home gal, perfect for somebody like Richard.

Me, as I said before, I'm the versatile type, practical with a touch of sparkle here and there. I'm hoping it's Mr. David who's going to light up my life. We shall certainly see.

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