Ghost of Kaneloa

The anguished wails of Princess Tuberosa La'a echoed through The Tube, and it was only because of the fast action of her cousin and attendant Pualani that the princess was prevented from knocking out one of her front teeth with a stone -- an ancient symbol of eternal pain and loss for a deceased loved one. Pua lunged, at the last instant knocked the stone away.

"We don't do that any more in The Tube!" she scolded. "Remember who you are! Remember who we are! Kaneloa is gone, but you'll find another!"

"Nooooo ... the princess cried. "Neverrr ..." How could any young man possibly be as good in every way as Kaneloa? No, she'd never marry!

At that moment, Ola, goddess of life, was diving into the sea, making no splash. With eyes wide open, she saw the young chief Kaneloa sinking unconscious to the bottom, his right hand still clutching the spear.

Gently scooping him up, Ola surfaced and between her immensely beautiful hands squeezed sea water from his lungs, raised him to her nose and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils. Ola was pretty handy at CPR, and soon Kaneloa was spitting water, coming back to consciousness.

"Again, Ola, you've come to my rescue!" he wheezed. "Twice I should have been dead! How can I repay you?"

"Be a good king," she replied softly, seriously. "But first be a good husband and make many babies. Give me more life."

"I'll do my best."

"You're off to a good start. Tokelani is coming to your wedding." As in Tokelani, goddess of whoopee. "That girl is somethin'. Put it this way, bebbe, Tokelani never attended a boring party in her life, know what I mean?"

Ola breathed upon Kaneloa again, and he dove into the sea and came up inside the King's Cave, where members of the Tuber Border Patrol had gathered with bowed heads, and Prince To'o the seer was solemnly saying "... Kaneloa gave his last breath in defense of The Tube and the Great King. We will always remember and revere him here ..."

Kaneloa cleared his throat. "Uh, sorry to disappoint you guys, but ..."

Startled, Border Patrol agents went for their daggers.

"My god, it's the ghost of Kaneloa!" one gasped.

"No," To'o said, reaching out, squeezing Kaneloa's shoulder. "This is Kaneloa! He lives! He survived the mo'o!"

Cheering and lifting him onto their shoulders, they carried him triumphantly through The Tube. The good news ran ahead of them, and soon Tubers young and old were coming out to cheer as he passed through the Royal Rotunda. At the Royal Residence, the princess rushed out and joyously threw herself into his arms.

Not far away at the upslope Kipuka, other members of the Border Patrol were cheering as Tokelani stepped off a helicopter wearing tight jeans.

"Ooh-la-la," the sarge-in-charge sighed. "No secrets there ..."