Unfit for a princess

Prince To'o the seer arrived at the Royal Chambers of Queen Tuberosa and King Kavawai just in time to see their daughter Princess Tuberosa La'a -- his niece -- fall to the floor, clutching her heart and crying.

"Oh, Uncle," the princess sobbed, looking for an ally, "Mama called the wedding off!"

"Why?"

"Is what they say true?" the queen blustered at her brother. "That this Kaneloa's lineage ... that he is a low chief of excrement haulers?!"

"He does serve the high chief of the 'Iolani Palace Tube in Oahu," To'o countered.

"Excrement is excrement," the queen said coldly. "We need and appreciate the service of the excrement haulers, and all workers, but... the future king must come from higher lineage."

Not just the next king, To'o knew, but the husband of the princess, descended through the sacred matrilineal La'a line straight from the gods and goddesses.

"But he was so good in everything required of him!" the princess protested.

"Yes, and frankly we never even formally tested him," To'o added. "It was his choice to first visit the bones of Kamehameha and venerate them. It was there that he received a message from the king, and rushed to the entrance to The Tube and speared the great mo'o that was trying to enter. Such devotion to the gods and such bravery is beyond rare."

"And he was perfect in his drumming and chanting and hula," the princess added. "And the song he wrote for me and played on his nose flute... " She sighed and began to cry again.

"Truly," To'o said, "I believe he is chosen by Kamehameha and the gods."

"So promote him," the queen said. "Make him a priest. Sign him up for the Border Patrol. Whatever. But he shall not marry my daughter."

Just then the old Kane priest who had been assigned to follow Kaneloa after the Tuber Bowl hurried into the room.

"Your Excellencies," he said breathlessly, "pardon the interruption, but I just left the young chief Kaneloa. Once again he venerated the bones of the Great King, and again he was given a message -- the monster mo'o is returning, as well as a threat he called even greater!"

The princess flashed her mother a momentary stink eye -- but with Tuber eyes three times the size of Topsider eyes, it was quite a stink eye -- and ran sobbing from the room, followed by her cousin and attendant Pualani.

"Perhaps," To'o said, "the gods have not yet stopped speaking. Do not be too hasty in judging him, sister."

With that, To'o hurried to join Kaneloa.