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Daily walk in a cemetery
cleanses soul and lifts spirits

My husband and I have recently started walking together. It might not sound like a big deal, but after 27 years of marriage, it's a new thing for us because we've both exercised independently of each other in the past. But one day about a month ago, after an especially difficult day at work, we went for a walk and have been walking ever since.

Our Kaneohe home is located near Hawaiian Memorial Cemetery, and so we choose this area to walk in to avoid traffic. In light of passing this cemetery almost daily for 25 years, I am still in awe of its beauty. Driving past it is one thing, but walking through it is something else. In this peaceful part of the Windward side lies a world of its own. Every path in this memorial park is like walking through an art gallery, showcasing the magnificent Koolau Mountains from every direction. Whatever bothers me during the day somehow dissipates as I walk there. The majesty of the mountains and the serenity of the resting grounds remind me how fragile life is and how we need not "sweat the small stuff."

It feels odd to be in a place that was so beautiful yet filled with so much pain. The only other thing I could think of that shared this complex feeling was childbirth.

What has captivated my heart during our late afternoon walks are the people who visit the grave sites. I don't know about customs elsewhere, but I am certain that the people of Hawaii have one of the strongest cultures ever when it comes to visiting relatives or friends buried at these cemeteries.

On weekends it's not unusual to see flocks of families picnicking at grave sites. I am so impressed with the love of these families and the closeness they share, even after death. In light of the park rules, people still cover the graves with favorite drinks, bottles of beer, fruits, toys, flowers and decorations. The other day, I passed a grave with a can of root beer and a can of cola on the headstone. I noticed that a husband and wife are buried there. I guess they shared a different taste in soft drinks, but their favorites are still remembered.

Day after day, we see so many people, often the same ones there, sitting in beach chairs; some with family, some alone. Some with their car radios playing as if to serenade those they are visiting. Several times, I walked past an elderly lady who sits in her parked car next to a new grave with no headstone. Yesterday, she was sitting reading the newspaper. My heart ached to know she is grieving and now sits next to a grave to be near this person. I hope to talk to her when the time is right.

TONIGHT, my husband worked late so I walked alone. I didn't want to go without him, but something prompted me to. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the lady who I'd only seen sitting in her car, now standing next to the grave. I knew what I wanted to do but didn't want to invade her privacy. With a deep breath and a step of faith, I walked off the path and onto the grass. I gently approached her to avoid startling her and told her that I had seen her while walking, and how my heart went out to her.

She seemed thankful that I stopped by. I asked if it was her husband buried there, and with sadness in her eyes she replied yes. She lost her beloved William, her life partner of 56 years, just a month ago. I hugged her and told her that I'd like to stop by to check on her when I see her. I also told her that if she wasn't there when I walked past, I'd stop by and say hello to William. She was very appreciative and we hugged again.

As I continued on my walk home, I looked at the sky, and the sun was beaming between the peaks of the mountains like a beckoning entryway to heaven. I felt such peace in my heart. Everything else that happened that day didn't matter anymore. Victoria smiled as I left her, and all was well with my soul.

As I neared my home, I was thinking how wonderful it would be, even after the holidays, if everyone who visits a grave could take extra flowers for neighboring graves with no flowers. Hawaii is so wonderful with sharing the aloha spirit in countless other ways, including sending contributions for tsunami relief overseas, why not make a small gesture at our local cemeteries, too?

As for me, I'll be keeping an eye out for Victoria and others during my walk. And you can be sure that my new friend William's resting place will not be without flowers on my watch.

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