DENNIS ODA / DODA@STARBULLETIN.COM Children need to understand that Christmas is about much more than receiving gifts. Sending handwritten notes expressing their appreciation helps them learn.

Feelin’ grateful

It ain’t really over ’til all those
thank-yous are written

All the gifts have been opened, but Christmas isn't over yet. In fact, to get the new year off to a good start, you should get started on those thank-you cards, and have your children do the same.

It's never too early too teach kids the value of good manners, and the post-Christmas lull provides the perfect occasion.

Manners instill values with repercussions that go far beyond basic table etiquette. When children learn manners, they learn to be considerate of others, so it is more likely that they will treat others kindly and with respect, giving them a head start toward success.

"We need to teach our kids that anything given to them should be appreciated. It doesn't matter how large or small the gift is," said Lisa Zakar, who teaches etiquette classes at Lisa Rose Doll House and Tea Room on Nuuanu Avenue. "They should also be encouraged to give to people who make them smile, help them out or show kindness to them. A gesture as small as a homemade holiday card is always welcome.

"Thank-you cards are most appreciated, but during the holidays things are very hectic and kids may receive too many gifts to acknowledge by writing," said Zakar. "I think a phone call is appropriate, especially to a loved one they don't get to see often. Wouldn't you rather hear a personal, live thank-you? A phone call only takes a minute to make, and should be done as soon as possible, whereas an e-mail seems too impersonal."

If you'd rather have your children write cards, make the task seem more like play by allowing them pick out their own cards or create their own using construction paper, stickers, drawings and other forms of embellishment.

Sending thank-you cards is also a way for kids and adults to stay connected to family and friends, despite the miles between today's mobile population. But as Zakar said, a verbal acknowledgment can mean just as much.

Adults can follow the same rule of thumb when thank-yous are in order. Zakar would treat dinner parties in the same fashion as gifts. At least make a follow-up phone call, although a note is more appropriate. "I think a hostess gift is very much in order. It need not be elaborate or expensive."

Finally, those who've received an unexpected gift should not feel the need to reciprocate during the season, Zakar said. "Gift-giving should be just that, giving because you want to, not because someone gives you a gift. I think a sincere thank-you with a holiday card works well."