Sort of a jolt

As Randy Makapu'u, Tokelani Green of the Pono Commission and Pua Makua, Ph.D., walked down through the verdant kipuka in the middle of a vast sea of lava, exploring the land that Randy would soon own ...

As Randy and Pua fell into that-fascinating-thing-you-do ...

As Tokelani pondered in her heart the visit of the 7-foot pale Hawaiians in monster shades and loincloths, their welcoming her back, their invitation to a royal wedding, their promise to call before it happened ...

As Barge Huntley, international artifact hunter, dropped anchor again from the yellow kayak, and plunged into the blue sea with snorkeling gear, camera and spear, still looking for a cave entrance ...

As Keko'ona, the Molokai chief come to life in the form of 300-foot eel, nosed around in the 'Alenuihaha Channel between Molokai and the Big Island, on the scent of a meal and a hole to slide into ...

As priests in the Royal Rotunda of King Kavawai made plans for the wedding ...

As other priests tested the young chiefs of The Tube who had journeyed to the Royal Rotunda to contend for the hand of Princess Tuberosa La'a ...

As the princess despaired of ever finding a husband ...

As another load of fresh tuberose buds from the royal tuberose plantation were transported Topside, where they would be exchanged with Tuber business agents working undercover, so to speak, for delicacies such as fresh fruit and smoked pork -- used also in offerings to the god Kane ...

As royal runners from the kipuka Tube reached the Royal Rotunda with news that yes, it was confirmed, it really was the goddess Tokelani who had returned, and that she would be attending the royal wedding ...

As still more priests and priestesses began preparation for the auspiciously timed arrival of Tokelani, goddess of whoopee ...

Ola, goddess of life, and Kaneloa, a chief of lowly status from Oahu, finished oiling one another with sandalwood-scented kukui nut oil, so they could properly present themselves at the Royal Rotunda.

"Not too thick, OK," Ola said, relaxing as he danced on her back. "I'll be carrying you again. Don't want to have you slip out when we step through the portal at the back of the valley. It's sort of a jolt."

Kaneloa climbed up into the exquisitely massive arms of the very large, very beautiful, very brown, very naked Ola, and never felt more secure.

"Go ahead, bebbe, have a drink. You're going to need all your strength once we get there. A great test lies ahead."

"Yes, testing for the hand of the princess."

"More than that, bebbe. Don't know what, but ... the king. Hold on tight."

Ola stepped into a copse of kou at the back of her mythic valley, whispered, and suddenly the young chief's world went goofy with G-forces.