Carve out the time
to nurture friendships
In this world of instant mobility, people pass in and out of our lives with ease, but why do we find it so easy to turn our backs on relationships?
I have several close friends who are closer because we nourished the friendship by making time for each other. In these busy days with children, a husband and a job, that isn't always easy. It's especially difficult once the holiday season begins. But working it out is well worth the effort. If your friend lives in the same city, you can get together for slumber parties, book review sessions or just an afternoon of shopping. But what if your girlfriend lives miles away in another city?
My girlfriend Vonnie lives in California, and we decided to blend our talents and do a project together using e-mail. It worked out great. I wrote a book, and she did the photography for the cover. We had to work everything out by e-mail and phone, but the distance didn't dampen our enthusiasm or our joy -- we had a blast and never laughed more.
I made another friend about 10 years ago when we were assigned as roommates during a conference in San Francisco. We got along so great we decided to team up for the coming years. Each time we got together, we sat around in our PJs, ate chocolate, critiqued each other's work and brainstormed ideas. Mostly we laughed and told romantic secrets.
For 10 years we had great slumber parties at a variety of hotels. In between, we connected via e-mail. There were times when I almost canceled my trip because my life was too hectic. And then there was 9/11, and no one felt safe traveling. Reasons not to go arose every year, but we'd made a commitment and never canceled. The trips became a ritual, and although we were together only one weekend a year, we became closer than sisters.
One of the highlights of my life was when my friend dedicated one of her novels to me. I had planned to dedicate one of mine to her at the first opportunity. But I never got the chance.
Suddenly, she was gone. Lung cancer. Every day, I think of her and the great times we had, and I'm so glad we made time for each other.
I learned that life is fleeting, and I make a point to make time for my friends. We get together regularly to share and learn from each other. And mostly to laugh and enjoy each other's company.
Lynde Lakes is a Honolulu writer.
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