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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
This is going to be
a really sorry week
Americans are a sorry bunch. We're always saying we're sorry for one thing or another. I'm already sorry I'm writing a column about being sorry. You could say it's a sorry excuse for a column. Go ahead. Say it.Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's a line from "Love Story," a movie I'm still sorry I saw 30 years later. Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal told each other in the movie that love means never having to say you're sorry. What were they smoking? My experience with love is that it entails spending most of your waking day saying you're sorry.
A survey by the company that makes the board game Sorry! found Americans say sorry an average of five times a month. That can't be right. Sometimes I say sorry five times before breakfast. Sounds like a pretty sorry survey.
Parker Brothers released the results of the survey to coincide with National Sorry! Week, which starts tomorrow. I thought you had to have congressional approval to declare something a national whatever week. Apparently not. I'm thinking of declaring the week of Nov. 22 National Send Charley a Dollar Week. All I'll probably get will be letters saying "Sorry, Charley."
ANYWAY, according to this survey, husbands are more likely to say "sorry" than wives. Duh. Husbands have a lot more to be sorry about. Like living. The things husbands are most sorry about are (by order of sorriness): leaving a mess, forgetting to take out the trash, leaving dirty socks on the floor, missing dinner, not replacing the toilet paper roll, drinking the last of the orange juice, and drinking from the milk carton and putting it back. In other words, living.
Wives don't say they're sorry very often because the only thing they have to be sorry about is marrying that sorry excuse for a husband.
The survey says that people under the age of 45 say "sorry" more than people over 45. Old people have just as much to be sorry about, but they just don't give a damn anymore.
Parker Brothers wants everyone to "celebrate" National Sorry! Week by saying you're sorry a lot. They also probably wouldn't mind if you bought the Sorry! board game. I'd like to, but since National Send Charley a Dollar Week hasn't yet arrived, I don't have any money. What can I say? Sorry, Sorry!